Them, Their, and Gender Issues Everywhere

By Colleen Walsh Fong

Nothing hurts my ears quite as much as bad grammar. I can deal with a rock band practicing at full blast in my basement, even when amps inadvertently emit a feedback screech. But incorrect grammar sends a fingers-on-chalkboard shiver down my spine.

Consider the word “them.”

I used to wince when my grandmother said, “Them’ll do,” meaning, “Those will do.” Ouch! That hurt my ears. But she was born in 1888 at a time when women did well to graduate from 8th grade. Both she and my maternal grandmother accomplished that goal. They understood the connection between education and economic success. So my grandmothers made sure that each of their children were college educated.

My parents were born in the 19 teens. They both had elocution lessons as children and enjoyed college educations. As a result, they spoke and wrote well.

My mom knew every English grammar rule and I think she knew close to every word in the English language. I was never able to find one she didn’t know, and believe me, I tried. I grew up hearing correct usage. And even though I daydreamed through the tedious diagramming lessons taught in my elementary-school English classes I have a pretty good intuitive sense of what is correct. I can’t always tell you why it’s correct. I just know it is. For example, I had to look up the rules about why “well” is correct in some cases and “good” in others. I knew when to use each word. I just didn’t know why it was that way.

But back to “them.” I don’t think I’ve heard anyone use it as my grandmother did since Edith Bunker went off the air in the 1970’s. But today “them” is looking for love in lots of wrong places. It’s a sexism thing. A reaction against what is known as socialized male speech dominance.

I remember when women began bristling at the use of “he” as a pronoun to represent people of both genders. As in, “The banker should take care of his clients promptly.” The statement doesn’t assume that the banker is male. Nor is it a slight to female bankers. Honestly. I was one when this brouhaha hit the business world and even I winced when I read business documents using “them,” “they,” or “their” when referring to a single category of people.

I’m all about women’s right to equality. Even in this one little area. But I want it handled properly because the current usage just isn’t correct. It hurts my ears. If a thing is singular you can’t use “them,” “they,” or “their” with it. Write out “she or he,” or “he or she,” or alternate between “she” and “he” (or hers or his) in successive sentences if it bothers you. That’s what I do. Otherwise you’re jumping off a metaphorical cliff to follow the crowd. Good writers grow large followings by standing out from the crowd. Let your good command of the language help you do that.

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Colleen produces custom copywriting and content for branding businesses of all sizes.