Dating Stories I Couldn't Make Up if I Tried

As to be expected with online dating, there are going to be bad dates. Awkward dates. Dates you can't wait to end. These are the situations I try to avoid. Using “The Process of Online Dating” allows me to weed those out, or so I'd like to think. Here are some stories of times I was not successful.

Let's start with my very first date from an online dating website. We spent probably a month communicating before meeting. A lot of build up and a lot of flirting. My first impression of him was that he was much smaller than I had anticipated. I had seen pictures, of course, but couldn't tell. He must have fibbed on his dating profile by saying he was 5’10″ because he was clearly the same height as me. With dating online, I allow myself to be picky. Height being one of those qualities I can be finicky about. Had I known how short he was, we would have never communicated, much less meet. Don’t think I wouldn’t date someone the same height as me. If I met a guy in “the real world” and we hit it off, of course I would. Therefore, this wouldn’t have been a deal breaker on this particular date because we had already hit it off, be he was also very skinny. An all around tiny guy. All in all, just not my type physically. I'm not sure what he was expecting of me. I don't lie about my height on my profile, so there shouldn't have been any surprises. But, the feeling was obviously mutual cause neither of us contacted the other again.

My third date started pretty much the same way, as far as The Process goes, but he was 6'4”! He was this gorgeous, tall, muscular, blond. As charming as he could be. I thought I had found the perfect catch. I was going out to a local hang out with some friends, and knew he had wanted to get out-and-about considering he hadn't lived here long and didn't know many people, so I invited him. Poor thing, I don't know if he was nervous or what, but he seemed to have very low self-confidence, making him not so attractive after all. He looked just as he did in pictures, just didn't own it. Not just in a nervous-for-the-first-date way. More like, he wasn’t comfortable in his own skin. A vibe he radiated. Again, not a deal breaker. I am sure being out with my friends wasn't the ideal first date for him, although he could have easily declined. I would have been willing to meet again one-on-one to see if things went differently had he not also had on a skull shirt. You know those short sleeve, button up, black collared shirts a tattoo artist might wear with fire flames on it. Imagine the same thing, replacing the orange flames with skull heads! Couldn't be farther from the preppy, golfer type I prefer.

We remained friends via facebook. A couple months went by, and the FB chatting got more frequent. He had new pictures for me to stalk through. Lookin’ good! I decided he needed another chance. We met at a Mexican place. The awkward demeanor was still present. And, to fuel the fire, he was recovering from a cold and had a cough that seemed uncontrollable. After taking a bite of his Mexican rice, he started coughing. Rice shot out of his month. I was done, for good this time!

I should have known before it ever began that this guy wouldn't work out...He was from New York. I hadn’t dated a northerner before. He wasn’t really into college football, and introduced me to House music, which I thought was beyond terrible. One of the first things he said when we met in person was something about my plaid button up being “country.” I could understand had it been red and flannel, but it was light blues and greens with pearl buttons, from Old Navy. I had it tied up cute around my stomach with a lacy white tank underneath. I neither found him attractive nor unattractive, until I spent more time with him. He had a sarcastic and crude sense of humor. The things he would say, in what I think he considered good fun, made me feel awkward, and unsure how to react. In my head I prayed the date would end sooner than later. My luck, the waitress was taking forever! We waited and waited for our check. Internally, I begged for her to hurry. Then, we waited and waited for his change. Didn’t she know I was suffering? It finally ended. A weight had been lifted off my shoulders. He sent a text the next day. I recommended he find another girl who had relocated from up north as he did.

My final less than ideal date story is down right bizarre. We met at a bar, I brought a friend and he did as well. I'm pretty sure he arrived tipsy. We all ordered a drink and he insisted we cheers. Then a few minutes later he wanted to cheers again, then again and again. We probably clang glasses a total of 12 times throughout the night. That wasn’t the weirdest part. I’m not sure what his sexuality is. If I randomly met him and knew nothing, based off his body language, behavior, and the way he carried himself I would definitely guess gay. But, being on a dating site looking for girls, I would hope 100% gay isn’t correct. He talked a lot and had a lot of energy. It was pretty exhausting, really. My friend mentioned something about her cat, and he began to meow and fake lick himself. Not even kidding. The date ended as nothing but purely an entertaining night that I never needed to experience again.

Reflecting on past unsatisfactory dates such as these makes me question why I do it. Then I remember... I fell in head-over-heels love once after meeting someone online. It could happen again!