It's In the Bag

My least favorite chore, second only to plunging a clogged toilet, is putting away groceries. Over time I noticed this mundane task consumes far less of my time when undertaken in an orderly fashion. It's what inspired me to learn to bag my own groceries.

I know what you’re thinking. Bagging groceries is not rocket science. You dump everything onto that nifty moving conveyor belt, run to the end of the counter and as the cashier absent-mindedly scans, then slides each item into the holding area you grab it and throw it into a bag, right? WRONG. There is a right way to approach bagging groceries and there is a wrong way. 

If you’re going about it the right way, you deliberately place your sundries onto the moving conveyor belt in the reverse order from which you intend to remove them from the bags and eventually store them once you get home. I know. It's a little confusing, but think of it like this. The FIRST stuff IN the bag is the LAST stuff OUT. It's why it's called the FILO Method. Get it now? First In-Last Out.

Anyway, in addition to employing the FILO Method, you’ll want to organize your groceries into clusters, the basis for which being their storage locations unique to your home. For example, I cluster canned tomatoes, breakfast cereal, peanut butter, and sugar together on the conveyor belt and squeeze them into one bag because they are stored on the same shelf in my pantry. The same goes for yogurt, cottage cheese, butter, and hummus because they are stored together in my refrigerator dairy drawer, and so on, and so on. Makes sense? 

Self-bagging insures that your groceries make it from point of sale to pantry as efficiently as possible. The successful completion of the process hinges on your ability to choose a favorable checkout line. A favorable checkout line is one void of that cheerful bagger eagerly waiting to parcel away your groceries with a chipper, “Paper or plastic?” 

As far as I’m concerned, even the most well-intentioned grocery baggers are nothing more than impediments. More often than not, they do not adhere to bagging items in the order in which they arrive in the holding area. In fact, the best baggers, the ones who think too much and work the hardest, typically are the most disruptive and wreak the most havoc. Because of this, I often choose a spot in a longer line over one in a shorter line if I predict by the time I reach the cashier, the assigned bagger will have vacated his post in order to embark on an errant grocery cart retrieval mission pursuant to escorting a customer out to the parking lot. 

Every once in a while, even after the most careful calculations, I find myself standing behind one of those oh-don’t-worry-about-me-I’ll-be-fine-on-my-own martyrs who declines the bagger’s offer for an escort to the parking lot. OH MY GOSH. This means I am at risk of NOT being able to self-bag. There’s simply no accounting for a kink like that and it catapults me into a tailspin, throwing myself in front of some poor bagger in a frantic effort to grab and bag before he does.

“Ma’am, let me get that for you,” says the bagger.

Of course, I ignore him.

“Ma’am, let me…” He persists.       

“No thank you.” I continue to bag.

“Really, ma’am. It’s my job,” as he gently nudges me out of the way.

Did you just push me out of the way? Let me tell you something. There is no grocery baggers union. There are plenty of you-won’t-catch-me-bagging-my-own-groceries customers to go around. My idiosyncratic self-bagging habit is not going to jeopardize anybody’s job. Just the same, I end up deferring to the “expert” and, in doing so grow increasingly agitated.   

Please do not get creative…I deliberately placed my groceries on the conveyor belt the way I did for a reason… you are making this harder than it needs to be…as something slides down the pike just grab it and stick it in the bag and stop waiting for that one item you think belongs with this stuff over here…JUST PUT IT IN THE BAG OR, GOOD GRIEF, LET ME DO IT MYSELF.

No I do not suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder. My least favorite chore, second only to plunging a clogged toilet, is putting away groceries. Over time I noticed this mundane task consumes far less of my time when undertaken in an orderly fashion, and that is what inspires me to bag my own groceries. There is nothing pathological about trying to save a few minutes here and there...it's in the bag.