Make Sure Misbehavior Doesn't Continue

I’m such a mean mom. In our home the rule for consequences is that the punishment should NEVER fit the crime. 

Here is one example from my family. I was getting so irritated about my boys not checking before they loaded their dirty dishes into a dishwasher full of clean ones. I must have told them “a million” times to check first before putting their cereal bowls and spoons into the machine. 

At first I let it go and examined the dishes myself to find the dirty ones. I then made the boys look through the dishes on countless occasions. Lastly, I yelled to make my point hoping that would get the results I was looking for. Of course, when none of this drama worked I became more and more annoyed while my boys remained relatively unaffected. 

Then I came to my senses. Since they were the only ones who had the power to fix this I needed to find a way to put the problem back in their court. They now must rewash every dish by hand when they forget to check before loading the dishwasher. Guess how many times it took them to get it. Yes, you are correct – one time.  Of course, it may happen again once in a while, but now there is no reason to get angry because they know that it is not my problem, it’s theirs.

John Rosemond, my mentor, is often criticized for being cruel because he believes that a penalty should be impactful enough to make a permanent memory. If you think about it, this approach is really much more kind to the child. If dealt with using remarkable consequences the behavior has a much lower likelihood of reoccurring. Nip it in the bud as my Great Aunt Myrtle (and Barney Fife) used to say.

John has many detractors. One particularly grumpy fellow from an internet message board said, “He has a tone of utter contempt for children and teens. Some of his case histories could just as easily be presented as examples of psychological abuse (although they also seem made up).” 

According to this guy, the traditional parenting model that produced hundreds of generations of functional societies is now condemned as abuse. It is the post modern parenting belief that children are bundles of goodness and joy. Today’s parents think that they are being loving when they romanticize youngsters and their behavior. But anyone who has spent more than 15 minutes with a 2-year-old knows that no toddler needs to be taught to lie, steal, be selfish or defy authority. 

How else can you explain the precious angel who has never witnessed a violent act haul off and punch the face of the person who has dedicated every waking hour of her life for the last 24 months to the total and complete service of this child? 

The simple truth is that humans are the only species who will refuse to do what is in their own best interest simply to prove, “You’re not the boss of me.” We inherently want someone else to take responsibility for our decisions and to shift our burdens to others. It’s called the sinful nature and our grandparents understood this implicitly. 

It is my heartfelt belief that children are, indeed, very lovable but not being realistic about what they are capable of is patronizing and disrespectful. We need to grow up as parents and help our children to do the same. Being honest about human nature is necessary in giving your child what they truly need - unconditional love.