Health & Fitness
When You Should Be Working
With so many people telecommuting these days, I figured we needed to take a look into some of their "offices" to see what they're really doing when they should be working.
When you should be working, but first you need to:
10. Reach into the freezer and get something out for dinner. WARNING: You may discover things in your freezer older than your youngest child. This has happened to me. It brings up all sorts of other issues that may further delay sitting down at your desk.
9. Organize your desk - including all the drawers. This could take hours, if you're lucky. But don't think of it as luck, think of it as being thorough.
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8. Vacuum the cat. Scratches and a certain amount of blood loss may be involved. However, you can use the pain and suffering to legitimize a sick day—should you actually go into the office.
7. Do more research. You're not wasting time, you're getting the details correct. After all, no one wants a deadbeat client. Keep repeating this - it helps alleviate guilt.
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6. Have a snack. After all, you need energy work. Go to the kitchen to discover you are out of snacks. Go to the grocery store. Don't forget you're out of milk. And cheese. And toilet paper.
5. Reread your previous week's report to remind yourself what your sales goal is. Try to read without comparing yourself to the boss' son. Try. Try harder. Now step away from the delete button.
4. Have a staring contest with your pet. NOTE: With a dog, you have a fair chance of winning. With a cat you have less chance. With a fish, you have no chance. No pet? Stare at a picture of one in a magazine. You're not wasting time, you're sharpening your hypnotic skills for closing a sale.
3. Close your eyes and imagine yourself on stage accepting the company's top sales award, along with the new BMW company car. WARNING: This exercise may lead to actual work. Approach with caution.
2. Think about what your clients were like in high school as a means of exploring their histories. You might find some worthwhile dirt. Think about what you were like in high school. Is there anything they could find on you? Think about what your friends were like in high school. Do you remember some of the names? Hello, Facebook?
1. To pick up pitching tips (not baseball – sales), watch a movie or television episode about a salesman. WARNING: This may cause severe depression and self-loathing. More snacks may be necessary.