​Dr. Gail Gazelle MD

“Most of us learn to be quite hard on ourselves, criticizing ourselves for every perceived misstep, and comparing ourselves to others and finding ways we think we’re coming up short. It’s like there’s a bully living inside our mind, belittling us every chance it gets. To build resilience and achieve our goals, we need to have an inner ally and friend, not an inner bully. Self-compassion helps us make this vitally important shift.” says Dr. Gazelle.

Tip #1: Notice when you are struggling or going through something hard. Many of us can be very compassionate toward others but just the opposite toward ourselves. Simply noticing when we are the one who is going through something difficult can help remind us that we deserve compassion too.

Tip #2: Especially during the pandemic, remind yourself that what you’re experiencing is difficult. The pandemic has created hardship for many, from fears about contagion to the demands of childrearing, to shifts in our roles at work. Simply pausing to remind oneself of this can help us see that we need to be kind, gentle, and patient with ourselves.

Tip #3: Remind yourself that self-compassion is not selfish. When people hear ‘self-compassion’ they may think it’s selfish, or just some sort of self-indulgent pity party. When you think about it, however, you begin to see that all the self-criticism we can find ourselves engaging in is actually pretty self-centered! With self-compassion, we’re actually acknowledging the reality that we all have challenges, we all suffer. Far from being self-indulgent, self-compassion helps us realize the shared human experience we are all a part of.

Tip #4: When you notice that you’re being hard on yourself, push yourself to say something kind to yourself. To reverse patterns of self-criticism, we have to bring mindful awareness to this pattern. Once we do, the key step is going out of our way to bring kindness to ourselves. We can place a hand over the area of our heart, and tell ourselves the same kind words we would say to someone we loved who was going through something difficult.

Dr. Gazelle has been featured on CNN, CBS, NBC, Fox, Yahoo! News, NPR, AMA, AP, Univision, ACP, The New England Journal of Medicine, The Oprah Magazine and more.