Health & Fitness
Dad, I'm Gay
The rights of others become important when, suddenly, they become your rights too.
“Dad, I’m gay.”
~Airman 1st class Randy Phillips phoning his father on YouTube after the demise of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”
Senator Rob Portman (R-Ohio) recently came out as a parent and as a politician. Over the course of his political career, Portman has stood firm against gay rights. In fact, he remained stalwart in his opposition until it came home to him; his own son came out. He states that, “Two years ago, my son Will, then a college freshman, told my wife, Jane, and me that he is gay. He said he’d known for some time, and that his sexual orientation wasn’t something he chose; it was simply a part of who he is. Jane and I were proud of him for his honesty and courage. We were surprised to learn he is gay but knew he was still the same person he’d always been. The only difference was that now we had a more complete picture of the son we love”(1).
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Coming out as a parent can be ALMOST as difficult as coming out as LGBTQ. And, I commend the Senator for HIS honesty and courage. He challenged his own prejudices and biases knowing he would face a malevolent opposition ready to malign his character and force him out of office. He knew he was risking his public reputation and career. I identify with his struggles. I recognize his difficulties. I admire his forthrightness. Yet at the same time, I admit; I’m angry. Prior to his son coming out, Senator Portman was not neutral on equal rights; he had been publicly opposed to them.
Here’s what he said to CNN about why he changed his stance on gay marriage: ". . . What happened to me is really personal. I mean, I hadn't thought a lot about this issue. Again, my focus has been on other issues over my public policy career . . . I've had a change of heart based on a personal experience. That's certainly true”(2).
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What Senator Portman admitted was that until it became personal, equal rights didn’t really matter to him; he was comfortable with his anti-gay stance without really examining its effect. And, that makes me angry. I’m angry because I think too many people decide on this issue without really thinking about it; they find it easy to be judgmental because it doesn’t personally concern them. Or, they believe blindly in the narrow-minded doctrine that portrays gay people as evil sinners of no worth. They feel no real consequences of their actions. But, the consequences are there,of course. They are felt daily by those forced to live in a culture that tolerates, and in some cases, promotes, bigotry and discrimination. And those who are, by law or cultural status second class citizens, suffer the indignities that are a constant, daily reminder of their less-than-equal status.
And, I wish every narrow-minded, venomous bigot could be forced to face the real consequences of their ignorance in a personal way. I think there might be a lot more epiphanies and a lot less heartache and hardship. For tolerating inequality is tantamount to promoting abuse and mistreatment, and that is something no person in this country should have to endure. To me, denying people equal rights is the ultimate violation of all that is sacred in this country. It is a travesty of justice to insist that one category of individuals is less worthy of equal rights and equal protection under the law because of who they love or what their sexual orientation or identity is. It should not have to take a personal epiphany to figure that out, but for many, it does.
So, maybe the epiphany happens to some people only when it becomes intensely and painfully personal. But, that is something. And, there is hope. If Rob Portman can change, others who learn of his crisis of conscience might not have to undertake the same process he did; they might, by his example, figure out that acceptance is the ultimate act of love.
Portman has come late to the table, but he has come. And that gives me a great sense of optimism that maybe the next time someone’s son or daughter says, “Dad (or mom, grandma, uncle, aunt, cousin, friend), I’m gay,” they will reflect upon the honesty and courage Rob Portman showed and make the decision to maintain a healthy relationship with someone they love AND, simultaneously, build a stronger country. So, kudos to Rob Portman . . . and BRAVO to the epiphany!
