I Never Will Marry

“. . . I never will marry; I'll be no man's wife
I expect to live single; All the days of my life. . .”

~From the Broadway show Greenwillow Frank Loesser

I was convinced I would never marry.  I spent the better part of my adolescence thinking of all the good reasons I should stay single.  But, that all changed when the man I was dating stood in the doorway of my apartment on Valentine’s Day with a snifter-shaped vase holding a single red rose.  He captured my heart, and there was no turning back.

What had begun as a casual friendship developed into a relationship.  The relationship grew into love.  Love fueled commitment.  And, here we are many years later still standing in doorways and, more importantly, opening those doorways for each other so love can flourish.

Ours was a love that was not meant to be.  At the time, religious intermarriage was rare.  In fact, only 3% of people of my faith married outside my religion.  We had obstacles to overcome; parents who were against the union, religious leaders who refused to marry us, and unfamiliar customs that needed to be accommodated.  But, despite these differences, or maybe because of them, we married. 

My parents were convinced it wouldn’t last.  After all the ranting about the ridiculousness of the institution of marriage and my assertions that I would not do it, who could blame them?  But, it has lasted.  Against great odds, our marriage has withstood the test of time.

But, what if we hadn’t been allowed to marry?  What if the differences in our religions, which posed some cultural problems initially but have proven over the years to be totally irrelevant, caused the State to deny us a marriage license?  Undoubtedly, I’d probably still be singing “I’ll be no man’s wife.”  But, more than likely, we’d be living together without the benefit of the rights and protections under the law that a marriage license provides.

And, that is all that the Religious Freedom and Marriage Equality Act seeks to address in the State of Illinois; the right to marry whomever you want.  It is a matter of guaranteeing equal protection and equal rights under the law.  It has nothing to do with religious beliefs, and it impacts no other marriage.

But, the opponents to marriage equality see it as an infringement on their own right to marry.  For reasons I cannot comprehend, they believe that by expanding the concept of equality, their rights are being violated.  Those same arguments, of course, were used to deny women the right to vote, to prevent minorities from equal rights, and to maintain an elitist society in which the most vulnerable members had no rights, protection, or voice.

In what seems an eternity to me, but in terms of historical context is a relatively short time, the gay rights movement in this country has gathered  momentum. Those who oppose equality, justice, and equal protection under the law are becoming less obstreperous as their numbers dwindle. They are growing chronologically older and “aging out” of the voting system.  The next generation of voters overwhelming favors equality; so, if the legislature doesn’t get the message today, it’s only a matter of time.

Still, I look at my own life and realize that the difficulties we had to overcome because of our religious intermarriage were miniscule compared with the inability to marry at all. 

I believe that everyone who is a citizen of this country deserves the same rights as anyone else.  Besides, everyone needs a blender, new sheets and towels, and a new coffee maker. And most importantly; the dignity and respect that come from having equal rights . . . not different rights . . . not rights that are the same but called something else . . . equal rights.

That is why I have taken up a one-woman campaign to convince my State Representative to vote “YES” on the Religious Freedom and Marriage Equality Act” coming up for a vote soon in the Illinois State Legislature.  I’ve contacted him daily to ask for his support, and I’ve given my reasons for it.  I don’t know if he’s listening.  I don’t know how he will vote.  But, I do know that when I stood up to my parents over forty years ago and told them that I would marry the person I loved with or without them, it felt pretty good.  It feels pretty good now, too.  I know that what I say has an impact; and that if he and the rest of the legislature are listening, they can hear the future.

. . . And I’m just a mom who loves her son . . .