'Toilet-Sink Combo Never Gets Old': Yelp Users Review Local Jails

If there’s one thing online culture and social media has proven it’s that no institution—public or private—is above criticism.

That’s why it shouldn’t surprise anyone that Yelp users have begun posting reviews of correctional facilities on the site. While some of the reviews are clearly the result of individuals who’ve become bored playing Candy Crush looking for a humorous diversion, others take the task of evaluating quite seriously. In many cases, these postings are as informative as they are entertaining.

Don’t take our word for it. Take a look at excerpts from some of the area prison Yelp reviews.

Cook County Department of Corrections, Chicago

Angela P., Darien, 3 Stars: “Here’s the disappointment: Visitation is nothing like the movies. I really just wanted to talk on one of those cool phones. Did I? No. There’s a big plexiglass window, and a metal speaker like in a currency exchange, to converse with each other. Boring!

“3 stars for the automated system and low hassle on visitation. I would’ve liked to be escorted to visitation though. Doesn’t feel safe in the surrounding area, despite police presence.”

Martin N., Chicago, 1 Star: “My three days in Cook County Jail was a learning experience. This place is the biggest money making scam ever! I met all sorts of individuals locked up there that were arrested over PETTY NONSENSE! It became clear to me that the top priority of Cook County is to lock up as many people as possible over any little nit pick item the CPD can come with. …

“The treatment of visiting family and friends at this facility should also be an area of concern. Why is it necessary for the sheriff’s department to make it a miserable experience for visitors making an effort to help a loved one or a friend?”

Stateville Correctional Center, Crest Hill

Dorothy P., Algonquin, 1 Star: “I’ve been visiting an inmate here for several years now, and I have to say that for the most part, this place personifies government workers in Illinois. We are on their time. …

“I’ve been told that the infrastructure of the actual prison is deteriorating badly, with crumbling walls where daylight can be seen through the cracks (real safe, right?). The prison is filled beyond capacity, and with the recent closing of yet another prison, it’s even more so.

“Correctional Facilities are supposed to be rehabilitative, but I’ve seen my brother’s mental state continually decline as a result of being locked up here as he awaits an appeal (another story for another time). The gangs are pretty fierce, even though they pretty much leave unaffiliated people alone (Neutrons are what they’re called), and it’s not uncommon for the whole place go on lockdown when a fight erupts (between rival gang members or sometimes between guards and inmates). With such a savage environment, essentially a walled hole where people to go be forgotten, it’s no wonder that there are so many repeat offenders.”

DuPage County Jail, Wheaton

Sarah F., Itasca, 1 Star: “First of all, the temperature in there can’t be more than 55 degrees (in the summer OR winter). Being curled up shivering in the fetal position is not my idea of fun. They SAY that they give inmates 3 balanced meals a day, which is a blatant lie. We got one small carton of milk, and that was the only dairy we got for the whole day. They give way too much bread/pasta and I think I saw fruit maybe twice. … The guards all think they are better than everyone. They love to walk around with a stick in their *** and talk to you like you’re garbage. …

“When the people from the state come to make sure the jail is up to the standards, they look at the new building, the men’s side. The women’s side is 100x worse and I know if the state came to see it the way it is now, they would not be happy.”

Lake County Sheriff’s Office, Waukegan

Frank G., Chicago, 3 Stars: “I found Lake Jail to be fairly easy going. Actually it was fairly modern compared to Kane Co. Your finger prints [sic] were taken electronically and put into a national data base instantly. All doors were controlled electronically also. Even their construction seemed to be a little ahead of the times although the good old toilet\sink combo never seems to get old in these places.”

Metropolitan Correctional Center, Chicago

Billy M., Schaumburg, 1 Star: “It’s a moral shame because this is how a civilized society treats its convicted criminals. This building has the dark architecture of Kafka. It allows prisoners to see slits of sunlight but not to enjoy a full bath of it. The form of the building confesses its brutality. …

“It’s a blessing of transparency because it does not disguise from mass public view how we treat human beings in a country that purports to believe in individual liberty and that ‘all men are created equal’.”