Hang Time

Everyone (or at least everyone I know) has been in this situation: You wake up early after a night of excessive merriment. You had a great time talking with friends, or dancing the night away, or whatever constitutes fun in your world. Now, in the harsh light of day, you’re faced with a new obstacle. Namely, you must now contest with the throbbing pain in your head and the general feeling of your body betraying you. Like John Lennon said, “Instant Karma’s gonna get you,” and your instant karma takes the form of a particularly bad hangover. Now, some people are quick to point out that “If you didn’t want a hangover you shouldn’t have drank so much.” These people are almost impossible to see from their high, high horses. While their sentiment is true, this doesn’t change the fact that it’s incredibly annoying. Let’s be realistic. Drinking happens, even outside of a college setting, and as you get older, the inevitable next-day consequences become harder to avoid.

So what is the solution? How can we have it all?

Is there something simple that we all could be doing before an evening of drinking that would allow us to skip the feeling of death the next day? Unsurprisingly, everyone has their own ideas. I had a friend in college who would drink half a cup of olive oil before going out on the town, simply because that was what (allegedly) worked for him. It was a disgusting display, but he swore by it. Another person would bury a slice of cheese under a weeping willow tree, because this was said to ward off evil headache-causing spirits. No, that isn’t true, but you get the idea.

The main reason that hangovers occur is due to the presence of ethanol (the chemical that makes alcohol so hilarious). Ethanol increases urine production, which in turn causes dehydration. Meanwhile, as your body breaks down the ethanol into other components, one byproduct is the Dread Chemical Acetaldehyde, which is actually way worse than the alcohol itself. During the time it takes for your body to break down the acetaldehyde into more palatable acetic acids, you’re going to have a reaction to the acetaldehyde. What kind of reaction? Well, you’re essentially being poisoned, so you tell me.

Science lesson aside, how do we stop this from happening? Well, drinking water is a big one. You have to rehydrate, first and foremost. What else? Well, you could exercise. Stop laughing! Exercise raises your metabolic rate, helping to clear the toxins associated with metabolizing alcohol. If you have Vitamin B1 or Thiamine, that would be helpful. These prevent the buildup of glutarate in the brain, which is responsible for some of the headache. Try and resist the urge to take Tylenol, as products containing acetaminophen can react with the alcohol in your system and cause liver problems.

Really, the only foolproof method for avoiding a hangover is to avoid drinking altogether. For those of us on planet Earth, the tips above should suffice. My personal favorite remedy: I like to cover my body in wet clay and listen to Creedence Clearwater Revival’s album “Willy and the Poor Boys.” But, you know, that’s me.

What are some of your fool-proof hangover recipes? Share them in the comments below.