The Two-Second Review: What's Playing in New Lenox, Orland and Country Club Hills, Sept. 23-29

Clicking on a movie's name will take you to its official website, made by people who actually have seen the movie. The theater names will show you the times a movie is playing. If 3D isn't specified, the movie is 2D.

NEW MOVIES:

Abduction
The werewolf guy from the Twilight trailers finds out the people he thinks are his parents aren't. Then secret agent-looking guys start trying to kill him. Rated PG-13. 106 minutes.
Playing at: Showplace New Lenox 14, Orland Park Cinema,  Country Club Hills 16

The Change-Up
On Sunday and Monday only, the classic body-swapping Jason Bateman/Ryan Reynolds vehicle is back. Relive those heady days of a few months ago when this was in theaters for realsies. Rated R. 101 minutes.
Playing at: Showplace New Lenox 14

Dolphin Tale
Based solely on the trailer, this is either the heartwarming true story of Winter, a dolphin fitted with a prosthetic tail, or it's a taut psychological thriller about a young boy who hallucinates that his every action is accompanied by piano music and Morgan Freeman narration. Winter plays herself, which is too cool to make fun of. Rated PG. 112 minutes.
Playing in 2D at: Showplace New Lenox 14, Orland Park Cinema, Country Club Hills 16
Playing in 3D at: Showplace New Lenox 14, Orland Park Cinema, Country Club Hills 16

An Evening With Jane Goodall Live
Tuesday only, an in-depth look at famed chimpanzee researcher Jane Goodall, including interviews, early footage and, for some reason, Dave Matthews. Not a joke. Not rated. 135 minutes.
Playing at: Orland Park Cinema

Killer Elite
Jason Statham, Clive Owen and Robert De Niro star in this 'splosion-packed adaptation of much less cool-titled book The Feather Men. Rated R. 100 minutes.
Playing at: Showplace New Lenox 14, Orland Park Cinema, Country Club Hills 16

Moneyball
Whooo! Sabermetrics 4EVA! Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill in this biopic about Billy Beane's new approach to scouting trying to put together a winning team at a fraction of the cost (but possibly ruining baseball forever). Rated PG-13. 126 minutes.
Playing at: Showplace New Lenox 14, Orland Park Cinema, Country Club Hills 16

NOT AS NEW MOVIES:

Colombiana
Zoe Saldana witnesses her parents' murder as a young child and becomes a professional assassin out for revenge (as opposed to becoming Batman). Rated PG-13. 107 minutes.
Playing at: Country Club Hills 16 

Contagion
This Matt Damon thriller features . Rated PG-13. 105 minutes.
Playing at: Showplace New Lenox 14, Orland Park Cinema, Country Club Hills 16
Playing in IMAX at: Showplace New Lenox 14, Country Club Hills 16

Crazy Stupid Love
Emma Stone is the most recent winner of the secret Hollywood drawing wherein she appears in every third movie for about three years, then disappears entirely. It's called the "Seth Rogan Lottery." Rated PG-13. 107 minutes.
Playing at: Orland Park Cinema

The Debt
What happens to old spies? Apparently, they end up looking like genetic lottery winner Helen Mirren, which aint half bad. Rated R. 113 minutes.
Playing at: Orland Park Cinema

Drive
Indie darlings Ryan Gosling and Carey Mulligan star in this ... explosion-packed action flick about a getaway driver ... with Bryan Cranston and ... Albert Brooks??? THIS CAST MAKES NO SENSE! Rated R. 100 minutes.
Playing at: Showplace New Lenox 14, Orland Park Cinema, Country Club Hills 16

The Help
I looked at the site and saw "extraordinary women," "unlikely friendship" and "the South in the 1960s." I picture a lot of scenes of people crying and a lot of Golden Globe wins. Also, Emma Stone. Rated PG-13. 137 minutes.
Playing at: Showplace New Lenox 14, Orland Park Cinema, Country Club Hills 16

I Don't Know How She Does It
Sarah Jessica Parker balances a perfect husband, adorable kids and an amazing job. For people interested in more realistic movies than this, Rise of the Planet of the Apes is still in theaters. Rated PG-13. 95 minutes.
Playing at: Showplace New Lenox 14, Orland Park Cinema, Country Club Hills 16

The Lion King
The Lion King in 3D. Parents, you now have leverage. "Oh yes you are eating that broccoli or else we're staying home tonight." Two weeks only. Rated G. 89 minutes.
Playing in 2D at: Showplace New Lenox 14, Orland Park Cinema, Country Club Hills 16 
Playing in 3D at: Showplace New Lenox 14, Orland Park Cinema, Country Club Hills 16

Kevin Hart: Laugh at My Pain
This show of comedian Kevin Hart's comedy tour is only playing at select AMC theaters. Not rated. 88 minutes.
Playing at: Country Club Hills 16

Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty James Franco! Rated PG-13. 110 minutes.
Playing at: Showplace New Lenox 14, Orland Park Cinema, Country Club Hills 16

Shark Night 3D
Not since Piranha 3D has there been such a strong contender for the Best 3D Fish That Will Eat You Academy Award. Rated PG-13. 95 minutes.
Playing in 3D at: Orland Park Cinema

Spy Kids: All the Time in the World
They kept roles for the original Spy Kids, not just discarding them for the new, younger kids like so much Macauley Culkin. Good for you, Robert Rodriguez. Rated PG. 100 minutes.
Playing in 2D at: Country Club Hills 16,  Country Club Hills 16
Playing in 3D at: Showplace New Lenox 14

Straw Dogs
A remake of the 1971 Sam Peckinpah film about a timid man turning to violence when his wife is attacked by rural folk. I guess it wouldn't be much of a movie if they just left, called the police on the villains and went into therapy. Rated R. 105 minutes.
Playing at: Showplace New Lenox 14, Orland Park Cinema, Country Club Hills 16

Warrior
Tom Hardy plays an MMA fighter in training and ... you know what? He's going to be Bane. Tom Hardy is going to play Bane in the next Batman movie and, for me, anything he or any of the Dark Knight Rises cast does until then is just a teaser trailer. Rated PG-13. 139 minutes.
Playing at: Showplace New Lenox 14, Orland Park Cinema, Country Club Hills 16