The big "D" is not a scarlet letter

The world knows that over half of all marriages fail. We have either seen divorce up close or we have friends, parents or relatives who are dealing with effects. Don’t get me wrong. I know what God has revealed on this subject. However, in watching the story play out time and time, I have longed for a way to help those whose marriage is over due to one or both individuals giving up.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I do my fair share of marriage counseling. We offer pre-martial counseling, marriage courses and even marriage encounter weekends at my church. I am always working for and praying the relationship to be saved. However, when a marriage is over, it rarely ends well. It can be heart wrenching to hear how good people who were once so in love are simply ruthless to one another. It can be very hard to stand in the whirlwind. The truth be told, after watching friends turn on one another, whose thoughts haven’t privately gone to, “I would like to help. I really would. But I just don’t know what to say. I’m sure I would say too much and sometimes I think what I say hurts more than it helps. So maybe I should just stay away.” We all also know that this is not the answer. Running away from a friend is rarely the best solution.

I’ve realized staying in contact and practicing the ministry of presence is best. The ministry of presence encompasses the idea that sometimes the most supportive action we can do for our friends is to just sit with them. No advice until they ask. No 50 questions. No revenge plans. No elaborate schemes to rekindle the fire. Just sit and listen. This can be extremely powerful for all.

Divorce carries the baggage of loss, failure and for some, guilt as well as shame. Recovery from this life event is a process. It takes time. Time to process feelings and emotions. Time to figure out next steps. That’s why committing to spending time with those going through divorce is best. Give them your time and then encourage them to seek a group program to deal with the process of living single.

I am grateful for our latest Wednesday night ministry program: Divorce care. It’s a group based approach to helping those dealing with divorce. It is run by a group of qualified volunteers who have been there, done that, received the T-shirt and now want to help others. The course provides a safe place that offers a proven process to help our friends heal over time. If you would like to check it out, stop by Wheatland Salem - Oswego at 1217 Wolf’s Crossing, Oswego on Wednesday nights at 7pm. All are welcome.