When Motivation Feels Lost

By Amanda Adams-Welligee Coach

As a personal trainer, I have heard it all. “I don’t have the time”, “I am too old,” “It was a stressful week at work.” We have all come up with ways to talk ourselves out of what we know needs to get done, but the one phrase I really have a hard time coming to terms with is “I just don’t have the motivation.” Take a step back. If it is enough that you are thinking about it and contemplating pursuing it, you’re motivated. If you weren’t, it wouldn’t be a thought. If you wish to pursue a goal whether it is weight loss, better eating habits or any other lifestyle change, the wheels are already turning, you just need to put your plan in place and recognize the barriers that are keeping you from implementing that plan. There are some commonly discussed barriers to motivation such as fear of failure, lack of faith in oneself, and negative experiences from the past. These are all equally important, however, there are additional, less familiar factors that may be manipulating your motivation at either a conscious or subconscious level. If you find yourself lacking motivation, ask yourself the questions below to delve further to the root of the problem.

Does your personal life feel out of control?
Often, when there are too many variables in the equation, the focus and drive to accomplish one specific task can be lost among the clutter. If you are already feeling stretched way too thin and priorities are continuously fluctuating with each day, this does not create a steady, healthy, environment to foster a goal. The first thing, that must be done, is to eliminate, or at least reduce, the occurrence of opposing factors. If you are trying to find a time to exercise after work but also need to cook dinner for your family, meal prep on the weekends to cut down on evening cooking times. If your friends get together every Saturday night for burgers and drinks, suggest a new location with better menu options. These are all examples of ways you can streamline your life to coincide with your goals without having to really change all that much. Usually, it comes down to planning ahead, and the control quickly comes back.

Are you fighting a battle between what you want and what others want of you?
The idea of pleasing others can affect goals in a variety of ways. You may feel conflicted between your needs and desires and those of the individuals around you. For example, you want to start eating healthier, but your spouse and children do not want to try your new healthy recipes. Or you want to begin exercising during your lunch break, but your co-workers are making you feel guilty about missing the time spent with them. Explain to others the goal you have in mind and then find a solution to what is felt “lost” by others. If it is the food choice of your family from the above example, tell them they need to try your recipes a few days per week and on the remaining days, you will make a meal of their choice while you eat the leftovers from your meal day. They may realize quickly that the new meals are just as good and the frequency of split meals can decrease. Take our other example of the co-workers feeling neglected. Ask if they would like to join your lunchtime exercise routine or if instead, they would like to begin meeting once in awhile for dinner to catch up outside of work. There is always room for compromise and if these individuals truly want to see you happy, seeing you work towards your goals and watching you as you progress in your journey should make them happy as well.

Am I being a perfectionist?
Being a perfectionist can be beneficial in some situations, but in others, it can weigh you down. Feeling the need to do everything perfectly on every single attempt does not work well with goal attainment since it is near impossible to see this type of progress. There are always going to be ups and downs. If you are a perfectionist, you may find yourself putting off a goal for the fear of not being able to reach it, or at least not going about it at your set standards. Or, you may set out towards a goal with good intentions, and at every bump in the road, you disconnect yourself with the excuse that you aren’t motivated anymore. These bumps are natural occurrences on the road to achievement and need to be taken in stride. Do not let yourself be your own obstacle.

Feeling unfulfilled?
Simply put, it can be very hard to find motivation when we are not happy, and happiness is often determined by the activities we involve ourselves in. Because of this, if you are feeling unfulfilled in some aspect of life whether it is due to the presence or absence of a job, relationship, hobby or other area, you may not be able to find the passion inside of you to create a large-scale change, even if it is in a completely unrelated area. After all, being surrounded by negative feelings and actions does not put us in the mindset that is necessary for positive change to occur.

When we do feel fulfilled, we are often in our best mindset which brings about our best actions and consequently, the best results. Finding a solution to this problem can be tricky, as some causes also include major lifestyle factors (jobs, relationships, etc.), but an inventory of what brings you fulfillment and not should be taken. Trying to increase the positive and decrease the negative is the first step. This can be done by setting aside a specific amount of time to take part in a hobby of interest (and holding yourself to it!), or spending more time with those that bring you higher rather than those that bring you down. Looking for fulfillment in other places can help decrease negative feelings in separate areas. You can directly attack the issue as well. Holding a meeting with your boss to discuss your needs and where they are not being meet is an example of this. The main idea is that without the passion, the change will not occur, and in order to gear up for change, we must be in a healthy, happy frame of mind.

Do you think it is not worth it?
Goal achievement can sometimes take sacrifices or shuffling around of duties. Depending on how much we value certain priorities, your personal goals may fall short on the list. Ask yourself, if this was for the good of my spouse, children, job, etc., would I be putting more effort into it? Or maybe it is that you do not feel the time it will take is worth what you may be putting aside to get it done. Whatever the reason may be, if you find yourself talking yourself out of something because you are putting other tasks before it, this may be the cause of the problem and can be mistaken for a lack of motivation. The solution is to convince yourself that your goal is a priority as well. If your goal is to eat healthier, educating yourself on the health benefits may be enough to make it a priority. Or realizing that if you want to begin a new exercise routine, investing in a personal trainer to avoid injury and see faster results is worth the extra cash, even if it means giving up a separate material luxury. Identify the reasons you convince yourself that your goal is not “worth it,” and then argue these points with yourself as to why in fact, they are. This goes back to my original point. If you did not think it was worth it, you wouldn’t be thinking about it so much in the first place.

Sometimes the solution to the motivation conundrum is not answered by actually finding motivation, rather by finding discipline. Motivation is the reason behind an action whereas discipline is the action taken to ensure proper behavior. Sometimes, we need to skip the motivation part (convincing ourselves why) and skip right to the behavior itself. After time, the positive effects of the behavior will bring about its own source of motivation, and your problem may be solved.


Sources
http://www.brown.edu/campus-life/support/counseling-and-psychological-services/motivation-lost-or-just-misplaced
http://elitedaily.com/life/motivation/6-reasons-youre-feeling-motivated/811498/