Notice, Observe and be Versatile This November

We are heading fast approaching the craziness of the holidays and I offer you some tips to help you maintain a sense of balance and joy as you plan the coming (potential) chaos! My hope is that you will to slow down, choose, breathe, and be open in order to savor and enjoy the coming weeks.   

Notice:  What I mean here is simply notice and become conscious of how you feel as the month progresses.  Pay attention to your body--throughout your day make a mental scan of where you may feel stress in your body.  Are you experiencing more headaches?  Do your shoulders feel tight?  Do you feel rested when you awake in the morning?  Is your stomach upset?  Are you forgetful or experiencing clumsiness?  Oftentimes such feelings and behaviors stem from the fact that we are not in tune with how stress affects us.  Our body bears the burden of our stress-filled thoughts.  When we feel taxed or frazzled, we begin to put tension on our musculature and seemingly out of nowhere, we experience pain.  It takes some practice, but what I suggest is that every hour or so, take a few moments to stop, take a few deep breaths, and notice your surroundings.  Maybe step outside and feel the air on your face.  Look out your window and watch the clouds pass overhead.  Close your eyes and focus your attention on the in and out rhythm of your breath.  Close your eyes and listen to the noises nearby, then shift your attention to notice the noises in the distance.  By taking a few moments to notice...to reground yourself in the present...you provide yourself with an opportunity to release some of the tension your body may be holding onto and you refocus your attention to this moment, right now.  Often when we become clumsy, running into doorways, tripping or dropping things, our thoughts are leaps and bounds ahead of where our bodies are in the present moment.  Taking time to notice and be mindful of what your body is doing in your current space will help you to slow down and feel more connected and calm.  

Be Open:  By mindfully noticing your surroundings and your thoughts, you open yourself up to noticing opportunities for connection throughout your day.  If you notice that your body feels relaxed when you walk around your neighborhood, you may wish to engage in that behavior more frequently.  If you notice that your stomach becomes tense when your coworker begins to gossip, you may choose to redirect the conversation or gently let him know you are trying not to engage in the negative behavior.  As your awareness becomes more attuned to what feels good and right for you (and also what does not) you will begin to feel better and your thoughts will be lighter.  You may begin to make connection with others in your vicinity.  Perhaps you may notice and make eye contact with another as you pass on the sidewalk.  You may smile at your bank teller as you finish your business today.  You may notice and smile in response to the the giggle of children at play in your local park.  When you cultivate openness, you also cultivate positivity in your life.  What is positivity?  UNC Chapel Hill Professor and Social Psychologist, Barbara Fredrickson, writes that positivity is when positive emotions--like love, joy, gratitude, serenity, interest, and inspiration--reign. So the lesson here is when you become open you are better able to see opportunity for and experience connection with others.  When you feel more connected with others, you experience greater happiness, compassion, gratitude and joy in your life. 

Be Versatile:  By versatile I am not referring to an article of clothing that can be transformed into a skirt, dress or cape in a few swift moves.  Instead what I refer to is the capacity for you to be versatile and optimistic.  When we experience a stressor or a series of stressful situations, many possess the tendency to become curmudgeon-like and emotionally brittle.  We hunker down in terms of our emotions:  we close off and shore up walls to distance ourselves from what is painful or stressful.  We mull over and lick at the painful spot in our heart or gut.  Although it seems counterintuitive, what we need to do in these situations is "lean in"  to what is causing us discomfort or presenting us with a challenge.  When we become curious about such situations, we become more attentive to what is needed to resolve the problem.  When we are open and engaged, we become much better problem-solvers.  When you implement Noticing and Openness in your day-to-day experience, you will automatically become more resilient and optimistic.  As an example, perhaps over the course of the coming weeks, you may find yourself overextended.  Instead of shutting down and taking refuge in feelings of overwhelm or lashing out at someone in anger, lean in to your feelings, sit with your thoughts and consider what you might do to implement small changes so that you feel more empowered.  Try to gain insight as to how the situation occurred.  What were your drives?  How can you make more conscious choices about your time?  Maybe you can't walk away from your commitments or obligations, but there may be little things you can do for yourself to help you recharge and provide you with a greater sense of mastery.  Dr. Fredrickson's research has shown that people who are mindful, open and optimistic, experience greater resilience in the face of stressful situations.  It's not that people who are optimistic are immune from experiencing pain, such as loss, grief, or other challenges; it's that those who have cultivated optimism bounce back from such stressors more quickly and stronger than others.  Through her research in the area of positive psychology, Fredrickson introduces her "broaden-and-build theory", which means positive thinking opens our minds. Positive thinkers literally see more of the world around them and are more likely to find innovative solutions to problems. Through her process called the "upward spiral", Fredrickson shows how one can bounce back from setbacks, connect with others, and become the best version of themselves. 

Wishing you all the very best as we approach the holiday season.  May you embrace the weeks ahead with optimism, openness and resilience and thus experience greater happiness, compassion, gratitude and joy.

If you would like information about my services, please feel to check out my website at www.envisionyourdreams.com.