Pizzeria Neo Review and Sitter Drugs Kid.

Grandpa Slosh must have plugged one of his Valium in one of my son’s chicken nuggets.

We came home from Pizzeria Neo, review shortly forthcoming, and Gramps pointed upstairs and slurred that our 4-year-old son, G Frenzy was sleeping in the small carpeted space between the steel stair railing and the window at the top of the stairs.

Conquistadora had a wine and a few gin and tonics at dinner so I don’t think her panic button was working. I was gassy from three seltzers.

I did what any concerned parent would do under the circumstances. I went to the washroom, prepped the morning coffee, ate some tostados Conquistadora left out for Gramps, ate some of the left over chunks of cookies she had baked for my sons last day of preschool post-concert bash this morning, did my two-minute walking meditation I had read from the book I am reading, Mahabharata for Dumb Dumbs, went to the bathroom, turned on PBS to see if Celtic Thunder was on (16 Irish Handsome Lads belting out, well Irish ballads; Enya on Speed; what an f-in laugher; Il Divo can suck it!) and hid my father-in-law’s cane for his inept babysitting skills.

And then I checked on my son. Sure enough, he was passed out in the nook upstairs, sound asleep. I gave him a gentle rub on the arm, scooped him up and poured some water down his throat from his Cars themed cup to help ease the effects of the Valium.

Before I could be sure he had been dosed by the Old Man and rush him to the hospital, I looked up the side effects of Valium: inability to control urination; memory problem; new or worsening mental or mood changes (eg, agitation, aggressiveness, behavior changes, irritability, rage, restlessness).

Yep, that’s my 4-year old. Before taking Valium. Grandpa Slosh cried and showed us the inside of his man purse. No Valium in sight. He asked for forgiveness and if St. Charles has taught me anything, it is that forgiveness shall come to those who forgive. Huh?

Now I needed to address ChunChun, the 7 month old bulldog/baby we had made who was presumably lying beautifully and softly in his crib. He is squatty, round and snorts. He is our little bulldog with a diaper.

Indeed, he was sleeping, angelically. I flipped on the night light and read to him. Remember, Grandpa Slosh drugs our kids to get out of reading and singing the kids to bed. I picked out one of his favorite books, and ironically one of mine. As I flipped through Chapter Three of A Confederacy of Dunces, I could almost hear him chirp with delight hearing about the fatty Ignatius Reilly spouting on about the injustices of America while standing behind his hot dog stand eating every last dog he was hired to sell.

I then sang a few versus of the Smiths “Bigmouth Strikes Again," blew him a kiss and snuck out of the room.

Cool. Done. Good night.

Oh, the Pizzeria Neo review.

• Loud
• Hip
• Loud
• Cute waitresses
• Excellent Prosciutto
• Plastic surgery at tables 21, 4 and 9
• Oily, flat pizza
• Drunkards gots louder

 Pass.