Take Your Meds.

Two of my children have been diagnosed with diabetes.  They were both diagnosed at the tender age of three.  When my daughter was diagnosed I was in shock and scared.  When my son was diagnosed 10 years later, I was pissed off, really pissed off. 

Blood tests, shots, schedules, hyper and hypoglycemia, emergency snacks, and clinic visits had become a routine before the second diagnosis.  Trying to predict and control another persons body was no easy task.  Just as she was able to go out into the world and be on her own for a while, my son was diagnosed.  I felt like I was sent back to square one on a board game I hadn't wanted to play in the first place. 

Upon diagnosis we spent a week in the hospital learning the routine while getting high blood sugars back down and under control.  To say that it was stressful is an understatement.  During both stays we heard the hospital staff refer to our children as "the little diabetic girl" or "the little diabetic boy" and we corrected them each time.  I may not have known a lot about the disease the first time around (by the second time I did even more so then some of the nurses) but I knew, without a doubt, that this was not going to define my child(ren).  They had names and we expected the staff to use them. 

The peaks and valleys of every day life came and went.  My mom suffered a heart attack before my sister's wedding and we prepared to have another baby.  It was during this pregnancy that I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder that had gone untreated for several years.  

Panic attacks are horrible.  Chronic anxiety takes it's toll and can go hand in hand with depression.  My doctor explained that my serotonin levels were low and could be raised by simply taking a pill.  It would take a couple weeks for me to feel normal again but that I would eventually.  Besides the inability to control your breathing, you can have chest pain or the feeling of fluttering in your chest.  You feel nervous, on edge and out of control.  You sweat, hyperventilate, and panic.  It stinks and you can be hit with an attack in emotional or stressful situations.   You need to be aware of the triggers.  Avoid the triggers or develop the ability to recognize them and walk away from them.

It's taken years for me to gain this personal knowledge and I still require medication.  I know when I've missed my medication because my serotonin levels drop and those  queasy uneasy feelings sneak up on me rather quickly.  I work through it without anyone knowing about it.  I don't blame anyone for my condition as it's just my bodies reaction to stress, a lot of stress.   I don't make excuses for the way I react to certain situations and I don't let it define me.  Like my children, I'm in control of this condition; it does not control me.  That doesn't mean that sometimes it might get the best of me, it does, but I deal with it and move on.  This may be the first time some of my friends learn that this is just another thing I deal with on a daily basis.

I have spoken to a lot of people who are sometimes afraid of what it will look like should they have to take medication to control something they can't control without it.  Take the damn pill.  Feel normal again.  Move forward.  Who cares what somebody else thinks; somebody who has no idea what you're dealing with because they have never walked in your shoes.

There were people who were offended that I tested my children's blood sugar in public and gave them their shots at the dinner table.  The last thing I was going to do to them was make them feel ashamed that they were different, not by choice but just because that was the card life had dealt us as a family.   Take your shot.  Take your pill.  Get busy living the life you have despite the circumstances.  By insisting that they not be defined by their disease I was capable of not letting a disorder/condition define me.  I'm grateful for the lessons my children have taught me.  Everyone of them is an amazing human being.  It would be crazy to NOT share that with the world.