The Worthington Post - In Their Corner

 This post was inspired by…events – past and future.

 There is never a bad time to tell your kid you love them.  Never.  Except, maybe, for when he’s on the mound pitching for his baseball team.  Okay, maybe not when she’s trying on a bra for the first time.  Hmmm.  Maybe there are bad times to tell them you love them.  But you know what I mean.

Finding opportunities to tell our kids we love them does not present a challenge for most parents I know.  Saying it before they walk out the door, as they are saying goodnight, before they get off the phone, signing off on a text – all (hopefully) common occurrences in one form or another in most households.  Granted, as the kids get older, the frequency and/or tone may change.  (My 12-year-old son does not react well when I say, “I love you so much!!!  So, so, so much!   Who’s a good boy?  Is it you???  Who’s a good boy???”)  Most kids know, through words and/or deeds, that their parents love them.  It is (again, hopefully) a concept they understand in their core, their heart of hearts, that is frequently reinforced no matter what their age.

I wonder, though, how many kids know we, their parents, are on their side.  It seems this knowledge is firm in the toddler stage – who’s the first person they grab when they have a problem?  You.  Yet, this confidence in us seems to diminish as the kids get older.  It is a natural part of the growing up/separation process that they rely on us less, and their peer group more.  This is why I think it becomes imperative that we find chances to tell them we are on their side.

I am not talking about making it a toss-off every time they get out of the car.  I am talking about every once in a while, making sure their cell phones are off, the laptop is closed and the earphones are out of their ears.  Then, I am talking about saying something like the following:

“You know I love you.  You also must know that I love you no matter what.  Most importantly, I want you to know that I am in your corner.  Even when you do something wrong.  Especially when you do something wrong.  Believe me – there’s a good chance I will be the only one in your corner when you do something wrong.  That is my job.”

 An important corollary: 

“This does not mean I will get you out of trouble.  This does not mean I will help you evade or escape consequences.  It does mean that I will help you face consequences in a way that is fair to everyone involved, and in a way that will help you learn the most from your mistakes.”

Now, there’s a good chance the entire tween/teen nation will collectively roll their eyes when even one of us parents says this.  They may give you an annoyed sigh, or a rude “Whatevs…”  They may even say things like, “Mom?  What have I told you about smoking my hash pipe without permission?” or “Dad?  Have you been watching Dr. Phil again?” 

But trust me – these are words they need to hear.  This way, there is a chance that after the initial “Ohmygodmyparentsaregonnakillme!!!” they will remember that you are in their corner.  And maybe, even though they snuck out of the house and are drunk, they will decide to call you instead of getting into the car driven by their drunk friend.