Five Ways to Take Control of Your Separation and Divorce

Whether contemplating separation or divorce, the following points can help you take control and assist in moving you and your family forward:

I.     Consult a Collaborative Attorney. Collaboratively trained attorneys are typically more inclined to explore creative approaches to your family matter. Collaborative attorneys also generally view a court-based approach as a last resort and will often suggest alternatives that not only maximize your control but can reduce financial and emotional costs as well.  This mindset can increase the likelihood that a resolution is reached which is crafted on your terms and in the best interest of your family.

II.    Be Transparent.  This does not imply that you need to share every secret with your soon-to-be-former-spouse.  What it does mean is that erring on the side of disclosure, especially when it comes to finances, can help build trust even in difficult circumstances.  Lack of financial transparency is a common cause of litigation since going to court is sometimes the only recourse to obtain such information.  Being proactive and setting an example of openness can increase the likelihood of reciprocity and, ultimately, settlement. 

III.   Be Mindful.  Separation and divorce are challenging on many levels but are especially taxing emotionally.  The personal nature of the process can result in feelings of anxiety, sadness, or anger which can make a difficult situation seem impossible.  Whether consulting with a counselor or similar professional, paying close attention to your mental health is an important part of taking control of your separation and divorce. 

IV.    Be Flexible.  Maximizing control during separation and divorce does not mean getting everything you want.  Rather, making concessions to facilitate resolution can further the odds that decisions affecting your family are made by you instead of the court.  Compromise is hard but the payoff can be a fair and equitable settlement that meets you and your family’s needs.

V.      Let Go.  Too many couples reach an impasse and end up in court over seemingly trivial issues.  While certainly easier said than done, it is often helpful to identify that which is holding you back from reaching an agreement and step away.  The irony is that it sometimes takes giving something up to obtain what you need.  A question to ask is, “Can I live without X?”  If the answer is yes, let it go and move on.  

At Ingram & Hall, we strive to help clients find creative solutions in family law.  If you are considering separation or divorce and would like to speak with an attorney, please call 301.658.7354.