More Than The Quicker Picker Upper!

I recently had surgery and, given the fact that this was my 7th in 3 years, I now know the routine.

The most important thing for me in the pre-op room is that nothing goes in my right arm. Hospitals are equipped with red wrist bands that have no right arm written on it. Apparently, they were out of them on the morning I had surgery, so the nurse took a piece of paper towel and in magic marker wrote "No Right Arm". As this was not enough to do me in, she wraps it in a small rubber band cutting off my circulation! I very nicely said to her (because I'm a very nice person), are you kidding me? She replied "about what"? With this remark, she goes on to ask me if I have any valuables. I answered, "many"! The next thing I know, the hospital version of a Brinks truck comes to my room to pick up my TOE RING!

I am looking around my room for the Candid Camera that I know is hidden in my room, and the nurse asks me is there something you need? Well, besides a different nurse, no, I'm great, thanks! Oh, has my doctor arrived yet?

He comes in wearing a suit and tie like we will be conducting a business meeting and I ask him if he will be wrapping me up in more Bounty like a mummy. I show him my now purple arm and he promptly removes the paper towel and wipes his brow, he must be wiping all of the hot air I am holding in!

And to think, it's only 6:00 a.m.!

They had suggested that I spend the night in the hospital, of which I rsvp'd with a quick no. I knew I would be more comfortable in my "quiet house" Did I just write quiet? 

The morning after my surgery, a wood pecker chose my yard to peck in! About an hour later I went outside and very nicely (remember, I'm nice), told him to leave, NOW!

I climbed back in my quiet bed and dozed off only to be woken up 10 minutes later by a chain saw taking down a tree across the street. They chose this morning to landscape their yard! Really? Really!

Looking for my ipod, I decided to place myself in the basement. I figured it had to be more quiet down there, right? I sit down, get situated and here comes my adorable cat..... with a LIVE mouse! Well, I for one am not quiet as a mouse and start screaming, but to who you ask? Anyone, but of course no one would hear me over the jack hammer across the street! I'll take gum cracking, someone humming, someone eating at a movie, over a mouse!

Calgon take me away, Bounty, wrap me up in the whole roll, you are the quicker picker upper of noise, aren't you?