GoTo Mom: Guilt, Pride, and Valentine’s

There are 21 red paper hearts in front of me. I just need to cut out 22 more, and then my son and I can get on with the task of decorating them and signing them.

Except my four-year-old isn’t buying into the program, and my hands are starting to hurt.

“Look! All you have to do is sign your name here with that crayon. You can do it! You like writing your name,” I cajole.

So far, he’s written his name on one, but after much deliberation about which fat blue crayon to use, and deciding where exactly to sign his autograph on the Valentine’s card, he’s decided that he’s already had enough.

“I’m tired. I need water,” he declares.

I could, of course, insist that he not move and sign all 43 cards for his classmates and friends from various activities. Only then could he get up for water. But then again, he’s only four and more importantly, this is suppose to be a fun activity for us both, instead of the painful ordeal it’s become.

I relent, and he gets his cup of water then wanders off muttering something about a Lego police station needing to be built, and I am left with a pile of cards to cut, decorate, and sign on his behalf.

Truth be told, I could have made it easier for both of us by buying premade cards – which ironically would have saved me money as well as time—for his preschool friends. I have a hunch they would have all preferred a cool shiny Spider Man card too instead of some slightly off-center paper heart card that was obviously mom-made.

But of course, I love those articles in parenting magazines about how easy it is to make cards, and how much more it means to both those who give and receive the one-of-a-kind works of art. I’m also worried that his Montessori school teachers might think less of him because he is one of the few who shows up without a handmade card. And let’s be honest: I’m really worried too about what other mothers might think about my parenting skills if I’m not encouraging him to make his own cards in vast quantities.

Ironically, it is my first grade daughter who’s really enjoying making the cards for her class, and she’s even adding a personalized message to each recipient. (“Dear Jon, I hope you enjoy your first Valentine’s in Maryland!” read one to a boy who just recently moved to the area.)

As I am halfway through decorating bits of red paper, she looks up from her own efforts and asks, “Mommy, did you know that last year, I was the only one who brought in handmade cards? Everyone else bought theirs.”

As I stare at her, she adds “But this is so much more fun.”

-- GoTo Mom is a fortnightly musing by a Gaithersburg mother of two who is still trying to figure out even after seven years of parenthood how to have it all. She likes to unwinding after a day of cutting out paper hearts with a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon.