Excited for College? Me Neither!

Summer 2013 has started already, but for me it feels like it has yet to arrived. I haven’t done anything exciting so far and don’t have many plans for the rest of the summer either. I start college in the fall and it’s like I’m sitting at home waiting for its arrival.

But even so, I’m not excited to go to college. I’m starting off at a brand new place, where none of my friends are and the people from my school whom I was never too keen of are going. That sucks out my excitement.

I’m terrified of going to a university. It’s too large of a change for me. I don’t know what to expect and I have never really been prepared for it, at least not the social environment for it.

In high school, everyone and everything I needed was right around a corner. I wasn’t afraid to branch out and join the different clubs and activities, but in college, I am so low in confidence that I don’t even think I’m going to go to school activities.

I’m not good at making friends. I never was. Now that I am older and am starting to find who I am, I’m starting to believe that people won’t like who I am, because I am so different. People don’t tend to share the same passions as me. Even in high school I felt alone in most of the things I felt strongly about.

 It was tough for me to make new friends in a critical time for my self-search. The friends I did make aren’t the type of friends I feel I can share my feelings and desires with when it comes to the things I’m passionate about. I always feel like I’ll be judged. And if my high school friends are judging me, what stops those college students from judging me?

I guess my real issue though is that I’m more scared of not being accepted rather than making friends. If I’m accepted, then making friends becomes easier. If not, then I spend my time at college buried under my studies while doing the things I’m passionate about on my own.