A Positive Life Without A Negative Mind and Mom And The Funeral Limousine Elita Sohmer Clayman

When I was growing up, until the age of almost fourteen, we lived in a neighborhood of row houses. Now, they are prettier, more rooms and have more than one bathroom. It was what we were used to, one bathroom for four persons. My brother use to stay in there for a long time and lots of the minutes were to comb his nice head of hair. In those days, the young men wore their hair with a wave on top. Girls use to call it a pompadour. They would put some kind of hairdo grease on it to make it shiny.

We would look at the young men and grade their hair which we thought made them sexy. These were the thoughts of young teenage girls at that time. Dad was graying on the sides of his hair and he bought what we would call an eyebrow liner and he would lightly color in the gray lines to hide them. He looked cute doing that. Everyone, even people with meager income and salaries tried to keep themselves looking younger; as we all do now days too.

Most women color their hair themselves or have it done in the hair salon. Advertisements every day are on the television advocating the use of these colors to make ladies look vibrant, younger and less gray. When my first and only niece was born, my mom and my sister-in-law’s mom would come over often to see their first grandchild. My mom had been a redhead and so she did not show gray hairs a lot. The other grandmom had turned white haired when she was twenty-eight. She never wanted to color it and of course, it did make her look older than she was. When my niece was about five, her girlfriend Kathy said to her “I like your grandmother with the dark hair; I do not like the white haired one.” Now, she did not mean the white haired one was mean or nasty; she just did not care for her because she thought her a real old lady, which she really was not that much older than my mom, with the darker hair.

It was this child’s perception of age at her young age of five or so. We sometimes are quick to judge people by the way they appear to us. If you see a heavy person, you tend to think that they sure got that way by eating too much. If you see a too skinny person, you thing they may be sickly. If you see a glamorous lady, you may look at her in an envious manner and not realize it took lots of time and energy and money to look that way. If you have the desire, you can probably look as alluring as she does, if you want to put the time and energy into it.After I went to Weight Watchers and was successful in losing thirty-five pounds last year, which was hard work, and watching the temptation of sweet foods which I love was a real challenge and I accomplished it.

  Although, this was not a new thing for me, because I have lost and gained and gained and lost so many times in my lifetime. I thought to myself when I would see a heavy person, why do you not try what I did? I did not know them, but I wanted to tell them, try it, for your self-esteem, for your health and for your mind. However, if they are comfortable with themselves like they are, who am I to preach to them?

Everyone does what they think is right for their own lifestyle and their own happiness.

I had a cousin who was very shall I say unattractive. She did her best to make herself look more appealing and she truly was looking for a husband. She left Baltimore and got a job in Washington, D.C. There she met quite a handsome young man and he fell in love with her. We were astounded and her grandmother on her mom’s side was very unhappy, because she was marrying outside of her religion and in those days of about 1960 or so, many of us did not do that. They married, raised three children and as far as I know they are still happily married. If she had listened to the wails and tears of her grandmom, she might be quite alone today. What mattered to the old lady was religion and what mattered to my cousin was to become married to a decent fellow and have a good life with their children. She was right because this was great for her happiness and future life.

Some religious folks marry only in their religion because this is the way they are brought up. My mom had a friend at work whose daughter was engaged to be married and a few weeks before the big wedding, she decided she was going to become a nun. It seemed to all of the family and her fiancé that something happened to her and she claimed she had a vision that told her to go into a convent. Her mom told my mom “if we had known that the religion that we observed would have taken our daughter from us, we would not have raised her and her sisters that way.” She went into a convent where in those days; it was one where she never came out, only to come to a funeral. She never came to family affairs or happy occasions. This woman felt her child had been taken from her by religion.

Now days there are still some religions that try and put together a girl and a guy and many times these work out. I have heard that these folks do not touch each other, kiss or anything else until after the wedding. Of course, to each his own is an expression and in these cases, this is what they choose for their children and their children abide by this and I am sure many of the couples are quite happy. They seem to have lots of children quite quickly and happy families, I assume are created. I know of a young lady who met a fellow who was six years younger than her and a Christian and her dad was a Rabbi. They loved each other and in order to marry her, he studied for a year and converted to Judaism and they married and now have a child. I asked her once what his Christian family thought of his conversion and she told me that all they really cared about was that he found his love and if religion made a difference to her marrying him; then they were content with his decision. They are all still family and that is what mattered to both of them and they are quite happy, I hear.

Then there are others now days that join dating services online and meet their mate and are very happy. It seems to be a helpful way of getting to know someone and many are fulfilled that way. They see the pictures of the prospective date and I am sure the looks are the first requirement. I met my husband on what then was called a blind date. Someone gave him my name and number and told him I looked sexy and probably was ‘easy’ as they said in those days of 1957. Sure, I was sexy, not easy, as he soon found out. I did not like the name he presented to me on the phone when he called that first time, of the fellow who recommended me and I said no three times for three calls. Of course, mom said, give him a chance and I did and the rest is a married life of almost fifty-two years this coming July fifth.

There is a saying (I love sayings) that says you cannot live a positive life with a negative mind. You know I never asked mom and dad how they met. I regret not knowing. I do know that mom had a friend whose family ran a funeral parlor. She fixed my mom up with her brother and he came to pick her up in a limousine from the funeral home. All the neighbors were quite impressed, Mom was not and she never went out with him again. That is a funny story, I can see the neighbors sitting outside of their homes to catch a breath of fresh air (no air conditioners then) and seeing Mom picked up by a guy in a funeral car. She said she did not want to be with a fellow who touched dead bodies. I know a hairdresser who fixes the hair of the deceased for the showing. She says they are her best clients, never complain and never tell her how to fix their hair.

I know a young woman who went to a hotel bar room and there she sat with an acquaintance from work having a drink. A fellow walked up to the guy and knowing him said “is this your girlfriend?” The guy said yes, even though it was not true and she said “we are just work buddies.” They went out together and are married thirty years now and have several children. We never know where we will meet Mr.  or Ms. Right and the anticipation and sometimes concern can be a problem. They always say there is somebody for everyone; we just have to be in the right place at the hopefully right time.

As with everything in life, that is quite important and if we are fortunate, being in the right place at the right moment, it can be a glorious, life changing event and most of all worthy of our time, energy and lead us into extreme happiness and joy. As they, say a glass can be either half empty or half full. We have to choose how we want the glass to be, as we put it to our lips.

Drinking from that ‘glass’ can be a lifetime of great elation and many more relations.