Dar Or Darling, Use It And See What May Happen Elita Sohmer Clayman

I came across three excellent sayings on listening. I was talking to my physician assistant, Dennis H. Myers, about my aching right knee. I told him that when I went to my first physical therapy session today, the therapist really listens. I said “someone was listening to me, other than you.” I meant the therapist Cheryl R. Conrad  Of Spine and Sports Rehab Center in Timonium-Lutherville, Md. She is a fine person and when you go there, she writes everything down, shows you home exercises, checks every part of the body you are complaining about, measures the knee, the calf and all that she needs to have knowledge about with your body, to take care of it and you with physical therapy.

I meant that she really listened to me, whereas sometimes, you talk to medical people and they listen and yet you feel they are ready to dismiss you as soon as you finish speaking your piece. They are in a hurry and you feel as if you have to rush the words, so as not to hold them up, in the time allotted to you.

Well, Dennis and Cheryl are two exceptions to that and this is a fine example of “someone was listening to me” talk. I guess as you get older, you want someone to be a sounding board as my Mom use to say I was for her as she aged. My Dad was gone and she needed someone to confide in about her aches and pains and I was the one who listened and commiserated with her. I tried to give her comfort, but being twenty-seven years younger, I really could not feel her pain. I could somehow imagine it, but not feel it.

Now, I can feel it because I have that pain.

A good listener is a silent flatterer. Being listened to and heard is one of the greatest desires of the human heart. One of the greatest gifts, we can give to others is to take time to listen. All three of these sayings/thoughts are truly wonderful ideas on how we can learn to really listen to someone who needs us to listen. I always remember the little things about everyone I meet. I asked Cheryl how Jocelyn was and she was amazed I remembered her granddaughter’s name. My memory is excellent, it is better than my not so good walking from this aching right knee.

Cheryl is going to help me with that with ultrasound of the knee, with home exercises and a variety of other things you partake of in physical therapy. The main thing is that she listens. Years ago, I went to a male physical therapist. He was running late and he came out and said he had no rooms open, he would see me in the small hallway there leading back to the filled exam rooms. I was amazed and should have left and I did not. He started spouting all this and that and then the time was up and I never came back to him for further work. I figured if he could treat me like that for the initial visit, forget it, I would find someone else.

He did not have time to listen, nor did he want to listen, as he has to on the first visit to find out your problems and how he or she can try to solve them. The listening is like half the battle and why go into the war, if the battle is not being prepared for with adequate knowledge.

Parents have to listen to their children especially now days, wives and husbands have to listen to each other, children have to listen to their old parents, and employers have to listen to their employees and the employees to the employers. Dance teachers have to listen to their students and the students to the dance teacher, as all people in sports have to do to be successful. The government has to listen to the citizens and the medical people have to listen completely to their patients. They have to be patient with their patient in order to receive good results. Of course, there is the other saying that states that silence is golden. That is true sometimes, but dialogue is important to between all of us. My Uncle Julius, who I have mentioned before, put that saying into his everyday life. When he and his wife, Aunt Adele argued, he walked out of the house for a walk that took perhaps thirty minutes for him to cool off.

 Meanwhile, Aunt Adele was fuming and continuing to fume. However, when he returned, she calmed down and was so happy that he came home, that she acted as if nothing happened. That is how they had a long and happy marriage. They did not follow the rule to be a good listener, but they did remain silent and let it go no farther than him walking away from it.

Uncle George and Aunt Rosemarie handled it another way. I as a child observed all of these happenings because we saw our relatives a lot in those days. Everyone lived not far away from each other; probably the most distance was about three miles. George and Rosemarie had a secret word between them. They called each other Dar.Finally, one day I asked what did Dar mean and they both answered me together. It means Darling and by vocalizing the word, it would calm down the situation if there was one and ended it with the simple three letter word that they knew between them. I always thought, as a kid, what a sweet thing between the two of them.

So they listened to each other and the word meant a lot to them and even in moments of argument or challenging each other, that beautiful word was like a pill of happiness and renewal.

I like the word darling and I think if it was used more, there would be more peace between all of us and especially between couples.

Try using Dar or Darling once a day for a week and see what happens. I bet the recipient of the word will smile and call you Darling back.  This is better than walking around the block or walking out or walking away. Try it and you will feel you are really a Dar or Darling and the “apple of one’s eye.”

You know the other old saying is “an apple a day keeps the doctor away.” Enough said!!!