Loving, Liking, Liking, Loving,Which Is It? Elita Sohmer Clayman

There is a difference between loving and liking. As my little almost three year old great, great, nephew said the other day and I mentioned it in an article about it, he loves his sister, but does not like her whole self.

We adults can feel that way about people in our family and friends also. It would be better to like them and love them at the same time. However, sometimes that is not possible.

We feel that if they are family, then we must love them, because that is the norm. Many times, we feel obliged to love family members, but we cannot for various reasons. Sometimes, we love our friends more because we see them often and interact with them in social situations, rather than in family events.

Someone I knew confided in me that she loved her daughter because she had to, but that she did not like her because the child who was eighteen was very disrespectful to her and her husband who was the girl’s step father. The real father who was not there for this child was loved and liked more and had lots of respect shown to him, when he did not deserve it.

I had a cousin of mine who deserted his two daughters when they were two years old and six months old because he wanted another woman other than their mom. He did not see his own girls for twenty-five years even though they all lived about fifteen minutes from each other. He took on his second family, adopted her son legally and literally deserted his own kids. Interesting happening, when twenty-five years later, his second wife deserted him when he became ill and left him and went to Canada. His two daughters renewed their feelings for him, even though he did not deserve one moment of it and came on board to be there for him in his illness until he passed on. Family members could not understand their devotion to him, when he had none for them in all of their young and adult lives.

They may not have liked him all those years growing up without him; but they somehow still loved him, even though they hardly knew him. Strange circumstances that allowed this to happen to a man who did not earn their love or yearn for his own kids.

 I myself think it hard to love someone and not like them, but I can understand how some folks do that.

If you are that way, write down why you like someone and do not love them. Then others, who are the opposite, write down who you love and do not like; this is a harder task. You would think that if you loved someone, you automatically would like them. This is not so, though it would be better, that liking and loving are in the same category.

I went out once with a young man and I thought I loved him. I realized in time, I did love him in some ways, but I really disliked him in more ways. I knew that would not be a great and a lasting life. Funny thing, I came recently in contact with someone, who told me he had been married for four times and none lasted. Perhaps, his wives loved him and did not like him either.

The best thing, I think and advise (though I have no credentials in psychology, other than thirty college ones) is to try to find someone to spend your life with that you love and like.

As a little boy Stephen said “he loves his sister, but does not like her whole self”, he will grow into really loving her and liking her and adoring her and protecting her very shortly. This will occur in probably about two weeks more of knowing her and realizing that his life will be complete, having a dear sister who will like him, adore him, look up with respect to him and most of all,  love him for all of their lives together. This is a sure thing and both will profit by their brother-sister experiences and their lives will be dear, sweet and happy, because each of them will have one another and that is what liking and loving is all about.