Seeing Or Hearing, If You Had One Choice, Which Would You Choose? Elita Sohmer Clayman

As I have written in former columns, Mom had a blind brother George and a blind sister Ruth. She also had a deaf brother Mike, though he was not born deaf. He was medically misdiagnosed when a small boy and lost his hearing and then the ability to speak at about age five or so. He grew up and his profession was being a printer. He had a nice job with the second newspaper in Baltimore called News American. He ran a printing press and was very highly thought of there.

He married Aunt Louise who also was deaf, though she could speak a bit; her voice was shrill because since she could not hear, she could not speak well. Mom was able to converse with Louise by mouth and she and Louise understood each other quite well. Louise could not hear Mom so she read Mom’s lips or Mom used the sign language. They had two children and the doctor told them that they needed someone who could speak to the children for several hours a day, so they could hear voices and learn to talk. Since both Mike and Louise were unable to talk, even though she could manage some, the kids needed to hear normal sounds; else they would never learn to speak well. They made arrangements and during the week, they had a woman come in and speak with the kids so they heard the sound of voices. On the weekends, members of the family would come over to talk so the kids heard sounds and words.

They had a contraption set up that when the doorbell rang, since they could not hear it, a light flashed and they would see it and go to the door to see who the visitor was.

Mike was allowed to drive a car even though he could not hear a horn honk. I thought that interesting on the part of the Motor Vehicle Administration. He never got into an accident ever.

When television arrived, they enjoyed watching and of course there was not a closed caption in those days. They enjoyed watching a show and seemed interested by watching even though they could not hear the dialogue. They would chuckle and smile when they saw something on the screen that looked funny.

They seemed to enjoy life even though they were disadvantaged and could not hear or speak. They were pleasant relatives and I liked them both a lot. When Mike turned fifty, his kids threw him a party and we went and he was smiling and nodding and sign talking and having a grand time being the star of the party.

 Louise passed on and Mike remarried another woman and I believe she was partially deaf. She was of a different religion and he strayed over to her religion and he seemed happy again, as he had been sad when Louise passed on and he was alone. In those days, we all married into our religions and no one faulted him for marrying her, because he seemed quite content going around for the second time.

When he passed on, he was buried in a cemetery of the second wife’s religion. The remaining brothers and Mom his sister seemed perturbed that he was laid to rest in such a cemetery. They realized that the second wife must have conferred with his two children and they agreed to that and so the two siblings were satisfied.  They were happy that he had found another lady and that he could spend time being content, rather than sad.

Being deaf is hard on the person because they cannot verbally express themselves and that must be difficult for the mind to get used to. I learned a few sign language words in order that when I saw him, I could address him and not make him feel isolated from the many nieces and nephews in the family.

Of course, he and his blind brother and sister could not converse. He could not hear them speak and they could not see his face. They solved that one and they use to embrace one another, whenever they were in the presence of each other. It was sad for us nieces and nephews to see their lack of conversation and sight between them.

They all survived satisfactorily and led nice lives; we kids learned a fine lesson early in life. Number one to be grateful for everything, especially sight and hearing. We learned that people can survive all kinds of setbacks or handicaps and still do well. We learned that you can show love in many ways, even if you cannot say it or see it.

I often think that the nieces and nephews benefitted (sadly, of course) knowing these two people and Aunt Louise. We learned to be satisfied with our selves and if there was a deterrent, we could look at Mike, Louise, George and others who were not so blessed as us and to be appreciative of what we had. Yet they still persevered, attained education, married and Mike and Louise had children. We learned that to lack specific necessities such as sight, hearing and speech does not make us real handicapped and we can still accomplish and be happy. We did not see Aunt Ruth too much through the years, maybe now and then and we all appreciated her too, though we did not know her as well, since she lived in New York City.

Now they have the Cochlear implant and I know a lady whose young granddaughter, who was born deaf has had them installed one in each ear and she is talking very well now because she can hear with the implants. Oh what a marvelous invention in the health field and when her grandmother, my friend, heard her call her Grandma, they were blessed and beautiful words. She is doing well now and goes to school and is hearing quite adequately. When she heard her first words at about three years of age, her eyes lit up and she smiled so much because now for the first time in her three year old life, she heard.

We all take hearing and sight for granted and until you know someone or two or three like I did, you cannot comprehend what has happened to them.

I always said to my brother, that especially with George who never saw us, but could hear us, we were blessed we were able to gaze at his handsome face and hear his lyrical words. However, with Uncle Mike, we could smile at him, shake his hand and hug him. We could not express ourselves with him, though we did write him messages on a piece of paper and he would respond. That was a bit of fun for young kids and I use to write him “I love you Uncle Mike” and he would write me a note back,” me too, honey.” I treasured his hand written notes when I was a youngster. With Uncle George, we could not write notes and we could not read Braille, so we would hug him, talk long talks with him and listen to him play the piano.

So the Sohmer kids, Elita and Herbert and the other cousins grew up with this unusual type of family, one blind aunt, one blind uncle, one deaf mute uncle and his wife , the same way and we use to discuss who would be rather be like if this happened to us. Blind or Deaf and Mute. Unanimously, we all said Uncle Mike. Why you say? Uncle Mike could read, write, drive, see, and though he could not hear, he still was able to function well. Uncle George could read Braille, could hear the radio or hear the television; he could not write though he typed excellently, he could not drive and most of all he could not see. We all believed he saw with his brilliant mind. However, we all chose Uncle Mike.

Shakespeare said “Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind.” It is said that “love isn’t finding a perfect person; it’s seeing an imperfect person perfectly.”

We kids, the cousins as we were called then, saw with our eyes, two perfect persons with the names of Uncle Mike and Uncle George. We were privileged to know both of them.