Uplift Yourself and Go Forward

Epictetus, a Roman philosopher said "Keep company with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best." Do you find this true in your own life? Someone who constantly puts you down or makes you feel uncomfortable is not the person you want to be with often.

My mother had a cousin who was not very pretty or very witty. She was what you would call in the old days, an old maid. Now days, an unmarried woman in her thirties or forties is not called that. She is called a business woman, a career woman or a single person. Back then, she was looked down on and made to feel that she was not worthy if there was not a man in her life. This cousin’s name was Rose and she was far from a rose. She was nice and had a job and supported herself in a decent manner.

She had a very wealthy older brother named Albert. He felt very bad that this sister of his was the only unmarried sibling he had. He had lots of contacts in the business world and one day, he met an unmarried fellow and he decided to introduce him to his sister. Well, they hit it off and we never knew if he struck a deal, but before you knew it, mom, dad, my brother and I were invited to Rose’s wedding.

It was held in the well-to-do brother’s big home and it was all laid out for a very pretty ceremony. Rose and her groom Ron were married by a clergyman and a nice reception of delicious food was prepared. It was one of the first weddings that I, as a little girl of about ten years witnessed. Everyone in attendance was shocked that plain Jane Rose was a pretty looking bride and her groom Ron looked handsome.

However, many in the room never referred to him as Ron or Rose’s husband, they gave him a nickname of the Kuni Lem,l not being known than as a nice name other than meaning something like a nerd. It did not mean he was not a decent person, it just meant he was what would be called now a geek. I could not understand this being ten years old, he seemed pleasant enough to me and actually he was now my new cousin-in law. Rose and Ron lived long enough to celebrate twenty-five years of marriage and everyone said she owed her happiness to her older brother who introduced them and navigated the romance.

Many sarcastic relatives said that Brother Albert negotiated some money and real estate deals to entice Ron. However, I remember at the home wedding that Ron and Rose danced a nice waltz as their first wedding dance on the hardwood floor of Albert’s elegant home. Rose had taken ballroom dance lessons in the hope of meeting a young man at that time and so she and Ron looked very delightful dancing. I remember thinking that I would one day like to dance as well as the bride and groom did.

The name Kuni Leml stuck with Ron, for no reason I can think of and when my dad passed away, mom said to call the relatives to tell them. She said "call Rose and Albert and the Kuni Leml. I was shocked at mom because she was such a kind and gentle woman and calling Ron that was demeaning. She meant no harm, it was just that he was called the name really for no reason. He was a mild man, unmarried and willing to start a new life with Rose and the way he looked at Rose, he really adored her. So there is someone for everyone, if only we can find that person. Rose was lucky to have Albert look out for her and she had a good life for many years and I heard that they liked to go out and ballroom dance at local dance events and so Rose and Ron were truly positive seniors way before I started my senior gold positive column in a ballroom dance magazine. I wrote it for seventeen years and always featured a couple that danced and had an interesting story to relate about dancing.

Rose and Ron found their way to each other and to each other they were grand folks. I do not think Ron ever knew he was called the Kuni Leml and that it was a derogative word attached to him. I liked Ron, he was always kind to a little girl who was his cousin by marriage and now that I think back to him, he was a good dancer. So Ron was ahead of his own time, ballroom dancing, enjoying it and life and they even had a child late in life which was unusual in those days. You were supposed to try and have all your children by the age of thirty for the woman and Rose had her first and only child at the age of 40. Forty was quite old in those times and the little girl was healthy and happy and her name was Samantha because Rose and Ron’s love of the Samba made the name Samantha remind them of the Samba.

When Samantha was five, they gave her ballet lessons and so the love of dance was given to their first and only offspring. Mom and I went to one of Sam’s recitals at the dance studio and Rose and Ron were so proud and no one in their right mind would ever call Ron a Kuni Leml. The one who named him that (quietly) was the one who really was the Kuni Leml, not Ron. Ron was good, decent, kind and did not deserve even quietly the name. So names mean nothing and nothing is named correctly by mean folks. The mean folks are themselves negative individuals who cannot appreciate the goodness in others.

Epictetus said "Keep company with people who uplift you." Rose and Ron uplifted each other because their presence called forth their best.

So always be sure to be in the company of folks who uplift you and you them and never give a name, even quietly in a mean manner. You denigrate your self doing that and you are the one who not only is a Kuni Leml, you are a doer of evil words and it is kinder to say something proper about someone than to utter and vocalize mean spirited words. Mom use to say to us kids “if you cannot say something kind, say nothing at all.”

Rose and Ron and then Samantha were good people who deserved to be honored and appreciated by their relatives. I remember the name of the one who gave him that ‘quiet’ name of Kuni Leml; she was a nerdy aunt and her name for herself should have been Kuni Adele. She always had something evil to say about everyone in the family and when her daughter got engaged before I did and she was a year younger than me; she said one night when visiting Mom and Dad “is it not time you got married too.?” I said when it will happen will be the right time. Funny thing is her daughter’s marriage lasted only twenty years and I am going into my 52nd year of marriage with the same husband.

Bravo to Rose, Ron and all  the people who overcome and come out better than their detractors. Epictetus was correct on who we should keep company with. Go forward and be accompanied by people of worth and inspire each other to great heights. My brother was tall and handsome and he had a friend Arnold who was short. Herb would sometimes lower himself to Arnold’s height to speak with him. Dad would say ( and Dad was not tall himself)  “Herbert, you stand tall and let Arnold try to raise himself to your height, not you to his height. Be proud of yourself and do not lower to someone else’s stature.”

Dad was correct, stand tall and be satisfied of what you are all the time.