Same As It Ever Was

Let’s get something straight: I used to be cool. Seriously. No, really - I mean it. Please stop laughing.

Yeah, I know I’m a mom now and I’m about to cross over into the dark side of my 30s. I’m in bed most nights by 11 p.m. I’m concerned about my cholesterol and my neck waddle and how I’m going to pay for my kids’ college educations. I have my grey hair covered by a professional. I wear sensible shoes so I can move as fast as these exercise-starved thighs can manage so I can get as much stuff accomplished in a day as humanly possible.

Clearly these are the concerns and behaviors of a square, grown up lady. But there was a time not so long ago when I rocked a marginally hip lifestyle. And I’m not talking about the kind of pre-middle age fun I have these days, like when I feel like cutting loose and I push back “lights out” until around 11:30 or even 11:45 so I can read in bed. I’m talking about when my husband and I were still dating and we went out to see bands. In clubs. On weeknights. Sometimes as far away as D.C., even when we knew the show wouldn’t really start until 11 p.m. or so when the headliner would finally take the stage after one or two opening acts.

Lately, we have missed a bunch of bands we would have gone to see a few years ago, before we became parents. Best Coast came to the 9:30 Club in D.C. in late January. Ditto Yo La Tengo. Pavement went on a reunion tour last summer and played the Virgin Mobile Fest at Merriweather Post Pavilion in Columbia. We missed all of them and to write that is to acknowledge the end of an era for us a couple.

For the sake of full disclosure, I’ve always been a little bit square, as those who’ve known me the longest can attest. I never fit in with the cool crowd at any age in school. Twenty-something Amy whined about having to stand for hours while sucking in second-hand smoke, waiting for the band to play (there I go, aging myself again by noting that people could still smoke in bars back when I was going to see a lot of live music).

So the thing is, I guess mostly I miss just the idea of going out to hear my favorite bands more than I actually miss going out to hear them. I’m admitting that sometimes it’s a relief to have work and family life as excuses for staying in with a book and a snack. And that, my friends, is what proves that any coolness I may have possessed is clearly in my past.