Learning to Let Go

I’m a planner, and I like to have control over things. My daughter is starting kindergarten in the fall, and I started planning way ahead of time. One of the most important aspects of my planning was who her kindergarten teacher would be. For various reasons, she needs a teacher with certain characteristics and a specific teaching style. I wrote a two-page letter to accompany her registration forms, requesting the teacher that I knew she would be matched well with. And when we went up for kindergarten registration, I made sure that the letter was included with all of the paperwork.

Then I came home, and went on with the rest of life, secure in at least knowing that we should be safe from calls home and visits to the principal’s office. Now I could move on to things like finding her the perfect backpack, and spending the summer working on sight words. Until the phone rang about an hour ago…

The school secretary called to tell me that the teacher I had requested would be moving to another grade for next year, so obviously my request could not be filled. Suddenly, I was gripped by a flood of panic!  My control was gone; my planning had been tossed out the window. I really am a fairly rational person, and I know I can’t hand-pick her teachers all through school. I’ve never requested a teacher for my son, and don’t plan on doing so. But this is different. My daughter had an IEP to receive services from the time she was 8 months old until just a few weeks ago. When that official safety net was taken away, selecting the right teacher was my safety net. Now that’s gone too, and it’s a little scary. 

But my rational side held on long enough to explain what we were looking for in a teacher, and the secretary made a recommendation of who she thought would be the best fit for my daughter. This isn’t a teacher that I’ve ever had contact with, but all of the remaining teachers are either ones I don’t know or ones that I don’t think are right for her, so I’ll go with it.

So I sit here, having relinquished control and doing a fairly good job of convincing myself that it’s going to be ok. I know for a fact that I’m not the only parent who is concerned about how their child will do in kindergarten.  But at some point we need to let go a little and trust that the wonderful teachers at the school really do want all of our kids to be successful. My daughter just turned to look at me and gave me a huge smile, and I know it will all be ok.