It's My Baby and I'll Laugh (or Cry) If I Want To

I am a new mother.  I can remember those days, pre-baby, when a blood curdling cry of a child in the grocery store sent chills up my spine.  It was like some sort of foreign alien had been dropped on its head and no one was there to quiet the thing.  Boy, how far I have come!  There could be a dozen babies crying at once and you would have to shake me to get me to notice.  Going to the grocery store is a night out on the town these days!

When the weather is nice, my 7 month old baby girl and I enjoy long walks through town.  Today was gorgeous, birds chirping, breeze was blowing...so nice.   Until she started to cry.  A soft whimper had turned into full blown crocodile tears and running nose in a matter of minutes.  Now, I am at that stage where I know my little girl's head and what she needs. (No, really...I DO!)  She was tired, that's all.  I'll keep walking and she'll zonk out, I thought.

Each cry resonated louder and louder as I pushed the stroller faster and faster.  In the distance, I could see a woman sitting on her porch staring at us intently, peering over her reading glasses.  I looked down and couldn't help but chuckle in between not so subtle "SHHH's" to my baby girl.  Please, Lord, help my baby be quiet.  BE QUIET, Puhhhleease--kept running through my head. 

 The woman clearly was sizing up the situation and I could only imagine what was going through her head.  The more I "shushed" the more she cried and the more I couldn't help but laugh.  Does that make me a terrible mother?  By the time we passed her, the woman staring down my inabilities as a mother, I was beginning to wonder if my baby was really tired?  And I think I may have caught the woman shaking her head at me.  Oh no, I am a terrible mother.

Thank goodness the library was coming up on our left.  I stopped and nursed my baby (and read Billy Crystal's children's book, I Already Know I Love You) at the same time.  Great book!  Anyway, for a moment she was happy.  Until I put her back in her stroller.  I thought, ok  she'll fall asleep this time, she must!  The cries continued. 

The last 1/2 mile of  our walk was with me carrying my 15 lb. bundle of joy on my hip and pushing a stroller that looked like it was packed for a cross country road trip.  But, my baby was quiet.  And darn happy, I must say. 

So, I was close to crying by the end of it all.  Maybe I didn't know what my baby needed initially after all. ( To the woman on the porch staring me down, I am not too proud to admit this.)  But the fact that all she really wanted was her mother to hold her, has to be a good sign.  Parenting is a learning process, that's for sure.  But darn it, I must be doing something right.