Baby on The Hill: A Time of Transitions

I keep hearing the classic Byrds song "Turn! Turn! Turn!" in my head this summer, a summer that has been filled with changes. The concept of there being a reason for everything and life moving on is one that is really resonating with me right now.

Of course, having my first baby means that everything is different than it used to be---from the mundane (oh, I can't just leave the house at a moment's notice BY MYSELF  and with only my keys and debit card to get a pedicure?) to the more serious (finding the money for daycare, a college fund, etc). With all the stresses a new baby can bring about, there are about a gazillion joys that I never would have fathomed before. Abby's insanely cute giggle, the way her whole face breaks out into the world's biggest smile when she finally gets to hold the dog's leash, and her incredibly sloppy kisses just make my heart swell with pure love.

Abigail is already ten months old. I really have the hardest time believing that so much time has gone by already since she was born, let alone since I found out that I was pregnant. Until recently, my husband and I have had polar opposite reactions when Abby hit a milestone---he would fold over his bottom lip and pout that she's growing up too fast and I was just giddy with excitement about the prospect of each new and fun thing she was doing. I would capture each and every little thing on my camera and, as my Facebook friends can attest, flood the universe with documentation of Abigail's newest accomplishment.

I would also be eager to share the newest Abby trick with my family back home in Illinois via our weekly Friday night Facetime chats. My parents would go to my granny's house (my brother and his girlfriend often joining in) for Friday Night Drinks at Granny's (the official term) and my father would fire up his Ipad so that they could all see Abigail. She's the first grandchild for my parents and the first great-grandchild, so anything and everything Abby-related was a hit during these FaceTime dates. Sometimes, I just left the Ipad propped up to feature her sleeping and the grandparents were content just to watch from a far.

The highlight of these virtual visits for me was to hear and see my granny's interactions with Abigail. Granny's giggles and coos made me feel like I was really doing a great job as a mom, and it meant the world to have her approval. But just like the Byrds sing, there is a time to be born and a time to die---and my dear granny passed away unexpectedly last month. I don't know if it's just a natural part of grieving or my recognizing that life keeps moving, but now I share my husband's pout whenever Abby shows signs of growing, and I don't think that a day goes by now without her doing something amazing and new.

Since Granny's passing, Abby has started crawling, cruising, standing on her own, and walking with a cart; instead of bursting with pride, I just want to somehow press pause and make time stop for just a bit.  I tried my best the other day to go buy her first pair of real shoes, but I just couldn't do it--they seemed so grown up to me! But, try as I might, there's no stopping Abigail from growing up. And I know that Granny would want me to stop pouting and be excited again whenever Abbers does something new.  A time to lose, a time to gain. And I am extremely eager to share Abby's latest  (and unprompted) trick: every night, as we go up the stairs to bed, she gives Granny's picture a big, sloppy kiss goodnight.