Giving Yourself Permission to be Selfish

We all pass through various life stages that lend to self-introspection and deep thinking about where we've been and who we've become.  One of the challenges is that it is often at this time of deep thought that we are in crisis, realizing that years are slipping by and we've gone astray from the track we intended to be on at this particular life juncture.  Suddenly, we recognize that things are out of whack.  We've gained weight, lost contact with friends, let chores go, and got behind on bills.  We've let ourselves go.

What percentage of time do you devote to you? If we were to look at a 24-hour day as a pizza pie, how small would be the slice that represents self-care?  Would there be a slice for that at all?  Draw yourself a 'pizza pie' circle, and divide up the slices for the areas of your life that you give your focus to.  Make the slices representative of the percentage of time you devote to each activity.  Perhaps you would have a slice for work, for children, for your spouse, chores, school, etc.  Is there a slice of time you dedicate just to you?  Often times, there is not.  Why is this?

As an adult, especially one who is in a care-giver role, be it for children or elderly parents, we tend to put ourselves at the back of the line.  There are rewards for taking care of others, but the expense is too costly when we forget to take care of ourselves.   We are no good to those we love if we are lacking in our own fulfillment.  But is this selfish? ...

YES! It is! And what is wrong with that?  Being selfish has such a negative connotation in our society, but we have a right to be selfish and to put ourselves first above others.  If we are neglectful in taking care of ourselves, it will catch up to us and we will be less effective in how we care for others.  Let's not forget to mention the effects this could have on our physical and emotional health.

Give yourself permission to be selfish.  Draw that pizza pie again, but this time make an 'ideal' pizza pie, dividing up the slices as you would like to have it, including a slice of time for you to tend to you. Now you have a direction to move in.  Don't have the time?  Not possible.  We all have 24 hours in our days to divide up as we best see fit.  My day is no shorter or longer than yours.  Figure out where your time is being mishandled or what you can ask for help with to buy back an hour or two in your day.  Get back on track with your goals and put yourself at the front of your list of priorities.  You will set a good example for those you love to make themselves a priority as well. 

Until you have devoted yourself to taking care of yourself better, your life will always feel chaotic and off track.  It is only by giving ourselves permission to be a priority that we are able to make changes in our lives.  Those changes reflect the person we were before all of those others things entered our world and required our attention.  They reflect our true self that got lost in the shuffle.  Get back in touch with your true self and you will find yourself better able to handle the stresses of the day and care for those you love.

Tammy is a psychotherapist with a successful private practice in downtown Woburn.  She is accepting new clients and offers evening availability.  For more information, feel free to contact her via her website at www.tgperspectives.com