Freelance Retort: Zombie Summer

Since I’ve been on the topic of impending summer, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the Zombies Across the Street.

I mean, like most people, when I think summer, I can’t help but think Zombie.

Goes without saying.

Right?

Right….

So Z and I were out digging in the garden over the weekend when one of the aforementioned Zombies shuffles over to our front yard.

Z’s still tends to get a little wary when the Zombies just show up out of the blue, and especially if they just show up out of the mist…which is a little creepy even for me.

Actually, we had no idea it’d been standing there, because this was the one who tends to shuffle around much more quietly than the others, mostly because he lost most of his nose some time back, and he doesn’t wheeze as loudly as some of them tend to do.

“Eeeeek!,” Z squeaked, when she spied his dirty shoe in the grass…which, to be honest, while impolite, wasn’t really Z’s fault since his foot was still in the shoe while the rest of him was further over, a few more feet away…most of which weren’t even his feet.

“Hey…uh, you.” I said quickly, hoping to cover Z’s embarrassing faux paux.  “How’s it hanging?”

OMG, I thought—yes, I think in text acronyms now—I couldn’t believe I’d just said that since what was left of his nose was actually still hanging there.

Talk about throwing gas on the fire, which is not something Zombies appreciate under any circumstances.

I could see I had hurt his feelings by the way that he dropped his head…which then rolled across the lawn.

I know…I should have picked it up and handed it back to him, but I wasn’t sure if it was my place, so I looked over to Z for some Zombie etiquette, but all I got was a shrug before she turned away and returned to her digging.

The good thing was, it wasn’t even his head, so I could still make eye contact…with both he and the head, which we tried to ignore…you know, to lessen the awkwardness of the situation.

The Zombie pointed towards the neat line of Begonias and Vincas Z was inserting across the front of the garden.

Again, I was hesitant to comment since I wasn’t sure if he was admiring them or asking to eat them…so I just said, “Looks like it’s going to really start warming up around here, pretty soon. I hear it’s going to be in the high 80s over the weekend…real beach weather!”

The Zombie groaned—again, not something you’re hoping for when conversing with a Zombie, but something that occurs more often than not…especially with this Zombie.

Then he began shaking his head—his own, not the one looking up from the lawn, which I was hoping he’d pick up since if you leave them there too long, they tend to burn out the grass.

Of course, now I remembered how the Zombies tend to wilt in the heat and the sun, way more than the rest of us, with or without air-conditioning.

Actually, I’m being more than kind by saying “wilt”, because as you would expect…

For the rest of the story, or to just kill a couple of more minutes while you're waiting for your Zombie to shuffle away, please Click Here....

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