The Dreaded School Fundraiser

As parents of school age children, there are many things that frighten us. We worry about their studies, and hope that they soak in as much knowledge as they can. We fear that they might be picked last in gym class and wonder if it will affect their confidence as they grow older. Even simple things like school lunches can lead to sleepless nights over whether or not they actually eat the fruits and vegetable that are given to them.

But nothing strikes terror into the heart of an elementary school parent as the day when their child comes home and announces, “I have to sell something for a school fundraiser.”

As you read this, I can almost hear a collective groan from parents across town. You know exactly what I mean: that plastic bag comes out of the backpack, packed full of colorful catalogs, a letter to parents and of course, the sign-up form. Not familiar with this little treasure? Let me break down the contents for you:

The Plastic Bag: This is always clear so as to tempt the child into opening it. “Is that a picture of a stuffed animal that I can win? A Super Soaker? I must know more!” A brilliant marketing ploy, kids simply cannot resist tearing open the contents within.

The Catalog: This glossy brochure contains the wares that your little salesperson will soon be peddling. Be it wrapping paper or coffee cakes, magazines or holiday candy, all will seem virtually irresistible to your child – and grandparents will most likely buy one of everything.

The Prize List: This seemingly inconsequential piece of the packet might seem like a throwaway, but to the child charged with fundraising, it’s the brass ring. Sell just 15 things and win a packet of five balloons? Definitely. Only 50 magazine subscriptions to bring home a nylon Frisbee? You bet! And to earn a generic MP3 player that holds a total of six songs, selling 450 items is a small price to pay for an “iPock.”

The Order Form: In an age where we can email pictures using in-flight WiFi and where Amazon has revolutionized how we shop, the school fundraiser still sends home the same order form used in 1974. You know what I mean, legal-sized carbon paper where it’s necessary to press really, really hard while writing your name so as to imprint on all the copies attached. Apparently these fundraising clearinghouses still need their order forms in triplicate. It always makes me laugh.

I have often said that I’d rather write a check in the beginning of the school year for $50/child and be absolved of all fundraising purchases, but I know that they help the schools out immensely. I applaud the parents who manage these from beginning to end, and I don’t know how they do it. Having been in sales for over 15 years, I can honestly say that I would rather manage a $35 million sales office than coordinate the Riverdale School Christmas Coffee Cake Drive.

In all seriousness though, there are a few fundraisers that I love. Most recently, the Riverdale fifth graders sold energy efficient light bulbs, which I thought was a great idea; we all need them, they were easy to afford and conserve energy to boot.

And, last night we got “Pinked” which means that our front yard was filled with 14 pink flamingos (run by the Dedham Education Foundation). We in turn put a check for $25 on our door to “Pink” another one of our friends. These fundraisers are easy for busy parents to contribute to and the kids love them as well.

Of course, they all take work to pull off and I’m grateful to the parents who organize them, as they are critical in a school’s ability to keep up with its needs each year. But when it comes to fundraising, I hope that every parent learns the most important lesson there is:

The greatest motivation for a child is a cheap toy that can be won by selling things to family and friends. Those fundraisers are geniuses.