Wrapped Around Her Finger: The Princess Paradox

As the scourge of reality TV continues unabated, new generations are growing up thinking that things such as loud brash behavior and attention grabbing are admirable.  My wife is especially sensitive to matters of manners as she spent about 14 years polishing mine to barely passable. So as soon as we knew we were having a girl, one non negotiable item was she would have proper manners. In short, she should be a young lady and not one these "princess" types.

Like many things it sounds like a pretty straight forward goal and something I think most people want to do. But like anything it’s never that simple. Before my daughter, all I saw of princesses was the bad. Whether it was the train wrecks on Toddlers and Tiaras or the “Daddy now!!” children, I just knew that I wouldn’t tolerate any of that behavior. To me any of the “princess gear” like shirts, pillows and numerous other clothing or room items that obnoxiously declare in 3 colors of glitter that a “princess” owns them was off limits. We even went as far as to actively ban them from the baby showers we were given.

Then a funny thing happened, my daughter despite our best efforts found Cinderella, Snow White, castles, horses and fairy godmothers. Almost is if she was hardwired, suddenly it was all about princess movies and pleading for the dolls. What could I do? Was this the point to take my hard arbitrary stand? Should some petulant children on TV or I saw in a store forever color my view? After all she was completely innocent and it made her genuinely happy. So I decided to give it a fresh look. And what I realized it wasn’t the princess role I disliked, but the “me first” attitude and that it can encourage girls to be helpless and wait to be saved. Fortunately, I quickly realized like any good fairytale, there are many different types of princesses.

Thankfully many of today’s kids movies that feature princesses have made a point to have the princess be able to stand up for themselves and have to work or overcome some adversity. Go back and watch some of "classics", Sleeping Beauty was 16, met the princess in the forest after never leaving it and 10 minutes later wanted to run away with him. Then she sings a bit, gets put under a spell then waits to be saved. She’s literally helpless. Not something any Dad would want for their daughter I would guess. Fast forward 60 years and Rapunzel is saving her would be saver.

So yes she gets to enjoy her princess dolls and play princess (as much as a two year old does) but as I keep learning she’s taking in much more than she lets on. So when she is playing we always reinforce that to be a good princess she her must have manners. Even when we are watching a movie (maybe for the 70^th time), we always point out when a princess character does something good and something bad. Of course to me she is always a princess, but that will never give her license to act however she likes. And if nothing else, for Dads you can always get to play the best role of all in her fairy tale, the king.