When The Novelty Of Your Child's New Activity Wears Off

How do you react when the novelty of your child’s new activity wears off and he/she starts to give you a heap of resistance when it is time to go to practice or class or whatever the proper term is for the activity in which they participate?  This is a very common occurrence in most children’s programs, whatever the activity may be.  I have seen it happen over and over in our children’s Martial Arts program over the past fifteen plus years, and I have noticed an interesting pattern; the manner in which the parents handle the situation will determine whether or not the child will continue to follow the rewarding, life changing path where our program can lead him/her and reap all its benefits along the way. 

In our program it goes kind of like this (and I am sure those of you with children in other activities can relate to this): Johnny joins his Martial Arts class in September when school is back in and family lives are back to their normally structured routine after a relaxing summer.  Johnny is happy because he is having a blast in his new class, making a lot of new friends and learning a lot of new techniques.  Mom and Dad are happy because Johnny is setting and achieving goals, building confidence, getting some discipline and really learning some good life skills.  After a few months, daylight savings time kicks in, winter arrives, school is getting old and the novelty of the new Martial Arts class has worn off.  Now it is time for Johnny to get ready for class, but it is cold and dark outside and Johnny is on a warm, comfortable couch watching television or playing a video game.  Mom gets Johnny up to go to class, but not without a fight.  When Johnny gets to class, you would never know that it took such a fight to get him to go to class because he is having as much fun as he always does.  I start to hear comments from Mom such as, “I’ve been having a hard time getting him to class, but once he is here he is fine”.

I’ve seen parents handle this situation in several different ways.  Some have raised their children with proper discipline throughout their lives and although the child may give them a bit of bellyaching about going to class, the child knows who is in charge and they acquiesce without too much trouble.  My hat is off to these parents because they are doing a great job guiding their children in the right direction through life, based on their own knowledge and experience.  Other parents may approach me and tell me about the trouble they are experiencing getting their child to class lately, and they may say something like this, “If he does not want to go, I do not think I should force him”.  Why not?  Who knows what is best for the child, the parent or the child?  If you think about it, parents force children to do things that are good for them in all aspects of their lives; going to school, doing their homework, doing chores, brushing their teeth… the list goes on and on.  Remember, we are not talking about a situation in which the child has a genuine dislike for the activity and is kicking and screaming about having to be in the class - once he gets to class, there are no problems and the child enjoys himself.  I think that these parents want to do what is right and they are just reaching out for some reassurance, which I happily give to them.

The parental response to our subject issue that I have absolutely no patience for is when they approach me with the problem and say, “I’m just not going to fight with him about it anymore”.  These parents are the opposite of the parents I described in the first scenario.  They have not given their child the proper discipline throughout his life.  The child is not being guided on the correct path throughout life because the parent has basically given up on the child.  The child is making his way through life forced to find his own direction, which may be right or wrong.  Considering how many more wrong ways there are than right ways to turn, it is likely that he will go in the wrong direction.  In this situation, the parent has actually acquiesced to the child, giving the child the message that the child is the one in charge.  This is a very sad situation, and the frustrating thing for a guy like me is that these are the children who need Martial Arts the most.

The basic thing to remember is that the child is only going through a phase, which will not take very long to get through with proper guidance from the parents.  An effective technique you can use to get your child through this phase is to have them start one of their more unpleasant activities such as homework, chores, etc., a short time before it is time to leave for practice or class.  When it is time to go, they will be happy to put down these activities to attend whatever program they participate in.  Once children get through this phase and into the routine, it will become an easy, downhill ride for you.

So how will you react when the novelty wears off???

As always… Keep up the good fight!