Inventions We Need Now!

Inventions We Need Now!

By Ann Green

My husband and I have a running joke about coming up with an invention that will allow us to retire in the luxury to which we would happily become accustomed.  We would do this by inventing something people can’t live without.

Wading through the annoyances and challenges of daily life, I offer the following
suggestions.  If anyone out there has some seed money, let’s talk.

1)   A phone that combines Caller ID with Subject ID.  It’s nice to know who’s calling – let’s face it, we all screen calls – but wouldn’t it be great to know what they wanted to talk about?  Never again would you be lured into picking up the phone to talk with a friend only to wind up listening to more mother-in-law complaints. Hmmm, maybe I’ll make a deal with the NSA.

2)  A TV that knows what kind of program you’re in the mood for.  Springsteen sang about “57 Channels (and Nothin’ On).”  Not with my new smart TV!  Tune right into the brain candy you seek -- cooking, sports, a reality show whose participants assure you that you belong to a superior species, a chick flick.  Just flip the dial – it’s all good.

3) A GPS that locates the nearest restroom.  For those truly desperate moments.  I’m told there’s an app for that, but some of us still have mom phones.

4) Glasses that screen out foods you crave but shouldn’t eat, merchandise you want but can’t afford, people who are obnoxiously attractive, anything that would gross you out.  See no evil….

5)  Socks that warm, cool or deodorize your feet as necessary.

6) Pens that warn you that you can’t cover the check you’re signing.

7) Unloseable car keys.  As soon as you put the keychain down in a spot you’ll inevitably forget, it yells, “Hey! Put me here and I’ll disappear!”

8) Spices that attune themselves to each eater’s preference, so your cooking will never be criticized again.

9) A self-cleaning house.

10) An implant that prevents you from forgetting peoples’ names.

11) A toothpaste that whitens, brightens, flosses, freshens breath and detects a
problem before you have to endure a root canal.

12) A car horn that acts as your spokesman. Not limited to the mundane “beep,” this horn could be programmed to respond to specific situations. Examples:  “Hey, (bleep), the light’s green, let’s get moving!” “No, guy on the bike, you can’t wander all over the road.”  “Would you pick a lane already, buddy.”  “Look friend, you’re driving so close I can smell your cologne.”

13) Fat-free ice cream that tastes good.

Skeptical? I’ve seen a demonstration of an Israeli cell phone that translates from
another language as you talk and a mechanism that enables paralyzed people to
walk.  For less than $100, very smart people at the University of Washington have designed a computer-interfaced drawing pad that sees inside the brain, with the goal of helping children with learning disabilities.

Anything’s possible.  Got capital?  Call me!