Power of Eye Contact in Your Business and Social Life

We live and work in a generation of constant ‘connection’ and ‘communication,’ yet somehow we seem as a culture to lack the fundamental skill of making eye contact. From preoccupation with electronics to the simple lack of any meaningful contact during conversations and business transactions in our ‘automated-culture,’ clerks, students, employees and even grown adults often struggle with this important social skill.

The deficiency exists across the ages and between the sexes, from the glaring poster-child check-out clerk texting on his iPhone while swiping your credit card one handed – to adults at networking events who rarely look up from their papers when delivering their sales pitch. We all know individuals who often seem to avert their gaze, are unable to look you confidently in the eye during a conversation; they stare at the ground when talking to others and have not real understanding of how significant one slightly prolonged glance can be when sealing a deal.

When one is able to maintain eye contact during a conversation or delivering a speech, it is revealed through research that the recipient on the other end views the speaker as more powerful, more persuasive, more likeable, more competent, more trustworthy, more aware, and more confident overall. Interaction and understanding is heightened, attention to subject material is greater and the exchange is viewed as more familiar. In essence, a small yet substantial bond is created instantaneously if the exchange is pleasurable, and information is gathered subconsciously about each other.

Conversely, to look someone in the eyes also has the potential to make you feel vulnerable and susceptible to rejection, which explains why so many struggle with the skill. Fortunately, making and maintaining steady and friendly eye contact is not difficult to learn once you become aware of the value and begin to implement small changes and take notice of positive reactions.

Accordingly, fine points to consider (yet not overthink) when working on improved eye contact is that first and foremost it must be a mutual exchange. Once the initial exchange feels comfortable, also look for a natural duration of contact that feels natural and has regularity without being a constant stare or an unwanted glare, which would have the opposite intended effect.

As a side note, it is helpful to be knowledgeable of cultural differences regarding the meaning and significance of eye contact. For instance, what is considered a positive trait in America (the ability to maintain direct eye contact) may be considered impolite to people of varied cultures, especially when on foreign land.

Don’t let the details fool you – it sounds a lot more complicated than it looks. Use your intuition and trust your senses. If need be, periodically look away when you need to collect yourself, take a breath, and relax. Eye contact is likely an inborn survival mechanism meant to enhance our connections.

From an early age, even as infants, we use eye contact to convey emotion as well as learn to extract subtle clues and information by looking in another’s eyes. This evolved trait may is possible designed to help humans prosper through cooperation. 

Whatever the reason and however you want to look at it, the eyes say a lot about a person and make a significant first and LASTING impression.  Eyes reveal. Eyes connect. Eyes speak and convey subtle messages even from across a crowded room.

An additional tip to make it easier includes allowing physical space when speaking and holding eye contact, unless you are listening intently to a very serious topic in which case a closer, more direct gaze is also appropriate. In this case, return the favor and gaze and listen intently when the person you are having the exchange with is speaking. Otherwise, in normal conversation, look for a few to several seconds at a time but also look away periodically rather than locking a stare.

Effective eye contact enhances your life in many ways: in business networking eye contact conveys trust; in sales it starts the deal and closes the deal; it is considered a determining factor in strong, enduring relationships; in presentations at school or for making contact with specific class members it demonstrates confidence and helps support your dialogue. And unless the topic is somber or serious, an accompanying smile while making eye contact goes a long way at building rapport.

“There is a road from the eye to heart that does not go through the intellect.” G.K. Chesterton