Initiating The Conversation With Seniors

Initiating The Conversation With Seniors

You hesitate to talk with your aging loved ones about their care needs and future plans, but they are showing signs of needing more help. Mom keeps forgetting to take her medications. Dad balks at bathing and is unsteady on his feet. How much longer can they live safely on their own? How do you and the rest of the family start a positive dialogue with your parents about home care?

Initiating the conversation with an elderly loved one can feel daunting and is why Right at Home, a global leader in in-home care and assistance, has developed RightConversationsSM for effective communication between you and your aging family members. A practical approach in the family caregiving process, RightConversations offers tips and tools for discussing your relative’s preferences and possibilities for extra assistance to continue a lifestyle they enjoy. The conversation does not ask your loved one to surrender their independence but to surround themselves with proper care for living comfortably at home.

“At Right at Home, we understand the challenge of talking through health, finances and other personal issues with aging loved ones,” said Celeste Begley, Community Relations Director with Right at Home Boston and North and Merrimack Valley resident. “RightConversations helps families be proactive in what to discuss with seniors and how to phrase questions. There are also easy-to-use planners to help with gathering documentation and pertinent information to ensure elders receive the best care now and in the years ahead. RightConversations is a complimentary resource that reduces family caregiver stress and builds rapport between elders and their concerned family members.”

10 Tips to Improve Family Caregiver Communication

Begley summarizes the 10 tips listed in the RightConversations guide. These realistic ideas will help foster strong family dynamics to ensure the safety and comfort of older relatives:

• Gather accurate, relevant information to help you assess signs of your senior’s changing needs. Note if your senior can no longer perform certain tasks. Accompany your elder to doctor appointments to get a firsthand report of your elder’s condition. The RightConversations Information Journal keeps personal, medical, insurance and financial information about your elder in one convenient place.
• Determine the level of concern warranted by observing signs that your loved one needs additional support. Are bills being paid? What about spoiled food in the home? As you explore and validate your concerns, consider using the RightConversations Family Action Planner, which organizes care assistance needed and tracks delegated tasks for family members and service providers.
• Review the facts and avoid personal biases so your loved one does not feel judged or pressured into what you want. Be aware that unresolved issues such as built-up anger or frustration from the past may block current dialogue. Limit your assumptions about your senior’s well-being and stick to factual observations.
• Involve siblings from the beginning in conversations with your older parent or relative. This may mean putting aside personal challenges with a brother or sister to seek the interests of your parent. Your senior may be sharing varying information with different family members, so it’s important to address these differences upfront.
• Plan the conversation to keep your thoughts organized. The RightConversations Communication Planner can help you think through realistic goals and how your family members will work as a team during the discussion. Practicing key points and open-ended questions for your time together will cultivate trust and productive conversation.
• Create a positive conversation by listening with intent to understand rather than to respond. The goal is not to give advice but to express love and concern for your aging loved one. Sharing feelings with a friend, counselor or support group can help keep your emotions in check during family discussions.
• Be aware of differences in communication styles among siblings and other family members. The RightConversations guide includes a chart of seven personality characteristics and how to collaborate with these individual traits. For example, a reserved person may seem disinterested in the discussion, but open-ended questions can help draw this individual to engage in the dialogue.
• Understand why your loved one may withhold information or resist sharing emotional vulnerability. Keep in mind that elders typically come from a generation of holding personal thoughts and fears to themselves. While you are focused on protecting your parent’s home environment, your mother or father may be afraid of losing their independence or being abandoned in a care facility.
• Do not make your loved one feel ambushed by a “you” versus “us” approach. Take time to acknowledge each other’s perspectives and focus on partnering rather than acting in opposition.
• Be prepared for what to do if your loved one says “no” to suggestions for personal assistance and home care. If the conversation stalls, be prepared to take a step back and give your senior time to think through your words and concerns. Try positive language such as “by doing ____, we are able to keep you in your home longer” or “we can spend more time together by doing ___.”

While it can be disconcerting to see older loved ones show signs of needing more assistance with daily activities, many seniors are actually relieved their families notice and care. Exploring caregiving concerns and options together makes for shared decision making and meaningful relationships well beyond the initial conversation.

About Right at Home of Boston and North

The Right at Home Boston and North office of Right at Home is locally owned and operated by Rosaleen Doherty and Jay Kenney. Right at Home Boston and North has been serving those in need in the communities of Merrimack Valley Greater Boston and North Shore for the last 15 years. For more information, contact Right at Home Right at Home Boston and North at www.rightathomemass.net, 877-500-CARE or by email at info@rightathomemass.com. To sign up for Right at Home’s free adult caregiving e-newsletter, Caring Right at Home, visit http://caringnews.com.