Moms Council: Is Your Child Overextended?

Are your children overcommitted? How do you strike a balance between making sure your children are involved in extracurricular activities without stretching them too thin?

From Melisa Thorne:

I remember being in elementary school and seeing a number of my little classmates with spiffy Pop Warner jackets and wishing I got to do cool stuff like them. As kid, I wasn't involved in many extracurricular activities and I always envied the kids who were.

Children are social creatures and love to see their friends outside of school. What could be better than seeing your child running around, bonding with friends and learning about teamwork?

I admit that my motivation for exposing my children to numerous sports and activities is partly because I never had the opportunities myself. I think children should be able to try different activities that will allow them to explore various talents and abilities. Just not all at once.

We learned that lesson when we had my daughter signed up for swim lessons, gymnastics and hockey during the winter and fall. What's worse was that these activities all took place on the same day. That only left us with a very cranky kid and an empty gas tank.

To achieve the balance, we decided that we wouldn’t sign our daughters up for more than two activities a season. With two kids and two parents that work full-time, two activities are all we can handle. If there is something that my daughters really enjoy, we will allow them to continue it for the next season. If there happens to be an activity that they don't like, we encourage them to stick with it until the session ends. Usually by then end of a session, they have a positive experience.

The important thing for a parent to do is to pay attention to how their children handle the added stress. If their schoolwork suffers or if family activities are impacted, then parents should consider scaling back.

From Cristine Warren-Linn:

When my daughter was three years old, I had her involved in everything, including soccer, dance, gymnastics, art, swimming, tennis, play dates and preschool. I thought I was doing her a favor, exposing her to as much as I could.

She went to an extremely rigid, strict preschool. Every day when I would pick her up from school, she would get in my car and scream at the top of her lungs. I couldn’t understand why she did that.

I’m now certain she screamed out of frustration. When she was at ballet she would play with the light switch instead of sit with the other kids and listen.

When she was at soccer she would walk off the field and play on the sidelines. She would play “froggy” at swimming lessons and act up at art. I was getting frustrated. Neither of us was enjoying these activities.

I would complain to my mom that my daughter wasn’t listening and that something wasn’t right. My mom tactfully explained that I had her involved with too many activities. I was expecting too much from my three year old. I needed to let her be three and play and explore as much as she could. Things got much better for us once I took my mother’s advice and let my daughter have more down time. Since then, I let my daughter give me cues as to whether or not she is overcommitted. 

From Christa Ciccia:

Extracurricular activities are important. Nowadays, exercise and a healthy lifestyle is such an everyday part of life. We decided early on that we wouldn’t overextend our son’s activities. Exercise and social interaction are important, but so are family time and homework. We choose to expose our kids to all types of sports and activities. This was a great way to discover what they were truly interested in, but also what they absolutely wanted nothing to do with.

One sport a season is my recommendation. This can be quite a juggling act in of itself, if you have more than one child. Also, play dates at our house have been renamed “homework hangout.” It’s a great way to get friends together but also set a purpose and get things done.

By second grade we were focused on one sport and had set days for homework hangout. For us, routine is a key factor in keeping everything running smoothly. This helps to make certain that every family member knows what to expect each day and that no one feels overextended.