Three Kids One Dog Two Cats and A Hamster

Among the current fads I don't care for is the collection of vinyl stick figure decals representing one's brood on the backside of the family tank. Firstly, I really don't want to know your personal census. Secondly, to me this is just an invitation for a home-invasion-multiple-homicide waiting to happen. But mostly, because I was stymied last week to learn that in the world of stick figures, Only Boys Can Be Weight-Lifters, and Only Girls Can Cook.

The male figures all have legs sticking out which end in some sort of masculine footwear. The younger ones wear shorts; the older trousers. The females all have little triangular skirts, to be sure we can see their gender immediately. No mistaking Ryan for Ashley, nor Shopping Mom for Tennis Dad. (Just out of curiosity, what has become of the "My Daughter is the Best Hockey Player" bumper stickers?) When did we take this giant step backwards into the 1950's?

 
I wanted to buy a stick figure decal for one of my grown kids as a joke. He makes a mean Hollandaise Sauce. But the only decal available on the I Can Cook hook was wearing a skirt. Nearby was the I Can Lift Weights decal - perfect for my Russian-squatting daughter who is working on bench-pressing her body weight. Too bad that character was a flat-chested male with no curves--or skirt--in sight. Not to mention Grocery Mom, Golf Dad, Singing Girl, and Baseball Boy, all properly attired like something out of the Aufidersen scene in the Sound of Music.

(Just an aside, I had to wear a skirt to school until I was in the 7th grade, so I'm a little twitchy on this subject. We were allowed to wear pants only when the New England winters gave us sub-zero temperatures, and even then it was preferred that we still wear skirts with tights and knee socks. I also had to wear a gym uniform twice a week which consisted of a hideous royal blue dress with MATCHING BLOOMERS! Yes, BLOOMERS! And this was in the late 1960s in Boston, not in 1948 Kansas.) 

How is it that Gloria Steinem and Hillary Clinton have come and gone, that while many women continue to be thwarted by glass-ceilings, that while many of these families are supported as often by Mom's generous paycheck as a CEO, CFO, or MD rather than Dad's, they are buying pictures of boys in shorts and girls in skirts? Insistently? 

Someone might have fun skewering this trend with some realistic alternatives. Two (different-looking) Daddies. Or Mommies. A Transgendered Uncle. A Cougar Mom and her Boy-Toy. The 3-Legged Cat. A Cross-Dressing Grandpa. The Pyromaniac Cousin. But that would just be another waste of vinyl. Instead, may I politely suggest that they scrape all that stuff off the car and find something better to do with their money, and their kids. Like reminding their daughters they Can Lift Weights, and their sons they Can Cook.