Don't let the sun go down on your anger?

What does it mean when Paul tells us Ephesians 4:26 that we should not let me sun go down on our anger?  There are lots of lots of marital and premarital counseling sessions that talk about this in terms of not going to bed angry.  There are even several songs that talk about staying up all night to talk through whatever the disagreement is about.  The challenge is that it is often much easier to talk about than actually put into practice.  Is it a real mandate on not going to bed angry with your spouse anyway?  Not necessarily.

However, it does mean several things for our relationship with our spouse and with all of those around us.  First of all, it is important to mention that Paul does not say that we can’t ever get angry.  I have heard it said numerous times that it is a sin to get angry, and that is not true.  What Paul says is, “Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil.”  What he is saying here is that we can get angry.  Anger is a natural human emotion and not a bad one in and of itself.  The problem is what we do with the anger when we do feel it.

Everyone reacts to anger a little differently.  Some people sulk and get quiet.  Some people scream and slam doors.  Some people say harsh and mean things.  Some people do all of these things and more.  Anger can be a powerful and destructive thing.  Anger can destroy families, relationships, and even lives.  Even suppressed and buried anger can do very destructive things.  So, if it is ok to be angry, where is the line when it goes too far?

According to Paul, even though we will feel anger, we are still supposed to not let evil talk come out of our mouths, but speak the truth in love and speak only things that impart grace.  We are called to not let the sun go down on our anger because we should not burry it, let it fester, and hold on to it.  We are called to deal with our anger in a constructive and grace-affirming way.  I know, I know, at this point some of you are thinking – ‘yeah right, if you only knew what they did.’  You are right, I don’t know, but God does. 

No matter what the presenting issue may have been, we should never let anger take over our lives or our relationships.  Often, anger is a mask that keeps us from dealing with the real issues.  It means we don’t have to deal with the emotions that may have actually caused the anger in the first place.  Being angry means we don’t have to deal with why we are hurt, scared, or frustrated.  It is important in the heat of the moment to not let words fly that you might later regret.  Sometimes that means you need to take break to collect your thoughts and calm down, and there is nothing wrong with that.  It reminds me of a Sesame Street short on taking an break to cool down and belly breath.  Anger can cloud our judgment and at times we can’t even see straight (metaphorically speaking), and it is in those times that we need to take step back, work on our belly breathing, and refocus ourselves as disciples of God and not people under the power of anger.

If you are dealing with anger in your life I encourage you to ask God to help you work through it.  Spend time in prayer asking God to show you the reasons behind the anger and begin to let the anger go.  The next time you get into an argument, be intentional about your words and your thoughts before they spill out and you can’t take them back.  Say a quick prayer asking God to give you peace, calm your heart, and let you speak the truth in love.  For a Christian, it is impossible to talk about anger without talking about forgiveness, and that is what we will look at tomorrow.

God bless, Rev. Liz Arakelian, www.LivingHopeEC.org