Weird State Laws to Start the Work Week with a Giggle

Drunken train riding is against the law in Michigan. (Patch file photo courtesy of city of Dearborn)

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We’ll just leave this right here to help you cope with the beginning of the work week:

Don’t get drunk and hop on an Amtrak train. If you do, you’re in violation of Act 68 of 1913.

“Probably a fair call,” allows Thrillist, which put together an inventory of the nation’s weirdest state laws, “but how the hell does Amtrak stay in business in this state?”

That’s as strange as it gets in the Michigan code, which is kind of disappointing considering some of the other doozies on the list. In Arkansas, for example, mispronouncing the name of the state is a crime. It’s “Ar-kan-saw” not “Ar-can-zuss.”

Connecticut has a weird pickle law. For a pickle to legally be considered a pickle, it must bounce. Yes, someone had to think of this.

Seriously, Maryland, what is this about? It’s verboten to sell non-latex condoms in vending machines?

Michigan has moose. Shouldn’t The Mitten be more like Alaska and make it a crime to give a moose a beer? Or any liquor? Ohio is either protective of its fish, or protecting its citizens from schools of drunken fish. Plying them with alcohol is against the law there.

And shouldn’t all states be like Idaho, which makes cannibalism a crime in a chapter of the code titled “Mayhem”? Eating another person is punishable by up to 14 years in prison, unless you had to do so to survive, and then it’s all good.

In Rhode Island, merely chewing on someone is an offense. You will go to jail if you intentionally bite off another person’s arm. If you accidentally bite off another’s arm, plenty of harm but no foul.

You probably didn’t see this coming. In Texas, where everything is oversized, you’re only allowed to take three dainty sips of beer while standing up. If you plan to swill beer, sit down.

In Virginia, don’t have any kind of sex unless you’re married. Period.

Missouri has it all figured out when it comes to punishing county sheriffs who go rogue. They can be locked up in their own jails and overseen by the coroner. Seems harsh.

There’s more worthy of a giggle or two. Read the full list here.

Enjoy your week!