Unconditional Love

Think about those beginning days of a fresh new relationship.  The "honeymoon" phase as most refer to it as. 

Everything is so new and exciting, you find everything that the other person says to be so incredibly hilarious and interesting.  Saying goodbye seems as though it is truly going to rip your heart right out.  You practically skip into your house after the incredible time you had just spent with that special someone. 

And then what happens?

My husband and I were 100% that couple in the beginning phases of our relationship.  And as time goes on I find that it is only natural for couples to become maybe a little too comfortable and start to shy away from all those "special moments." 

Well my friends, regardless of if I am proud of it or not I will be very honest with you all because I believe honesty builds good relationships, and I want you all to truly get a close look into my life. 

My husband and I have had our fair share of difficult times.  Not a sole on the earth can begin to tell you how a tragedy is going to affect your lives.  Now, add becoming a parent into that equation.  My husband had just gone through the worst tragedy of his life and was immediately thrown back into the husband and now father role.  Quite a lot for one person if you are asking me. 

So many times I almost feel guilty because people feel so sad when they hear what I have gone through, but the truth is I did not go through even the tiniest of a fragment of what my husband went through.  I went to "sleep" when the going got tough, my husband on the other hand had to sit there helpless and watch me pass away. 

Still to this day I thank the lord every night before I go to sleep that he watched over my husband during those days and nights while my husband would travel from Wyandotte to Detroit all day long visiting Kendall and I.  In my heart, I know that I could not have done what my husband did.  Nor do I think I could have seen what my husband saw. 

In those beginning days there was still so much commotion going on around us, and we were both just so grateful that our daughter was healthy, and the attention that a marriage needs was kinda just thrown to the back of the closet.  We were happy and at the time that was good enough for us. 

But, the fact of the matter was as a married couple we had both gone through a horrible tragedy and that had to be handled.  In our attempts to avoid the topic we would get irritated with one another although, I really believe, we knew what the underlying issue was.  Neither of us wanted to talk about it. 

For myself I had thousands upon thousands of questions.  And as for my husband he had seen horrific images that he was carrying around everyday.  We have always been a very close couple who have always leaned hard on one another for support.  And, for the first time I was completely out of the picture and I couldn't be there for my husband, and that was a huge feeling of guilt that was lingering. 

We both knew that it was coming to the point where enough was enough.  We weren't acting like ourselves.  We knew that the "funk" in the air had to clear.  And we were determined that we were going to get through it. 

So one day we just got it all out there.  All of our thoughts and our feelings.  We had always known what we wanted in our lives: to be a happy family and raise our children!  That was our dream. 

We knew that we had so much to be grateful for and that by harboring the sadness of what had happened it was only hurting us.  We had to let it go and move forward.  Moving forward for us meant pursuing on with our dream of having another child.  So from that day forward we were set!

Focusing on all the positives I believe is what truly got us through those hard times.  We seldom revisit the stories of those days.  When we do speak of Amniotic Fluid Embolisms (which is what happened to me) we speak of it in a positive manner. 

As a family we are determined to reach out to other families who have been affected by this horrible medical occurrence.  Just this past winter right before we had found out that we were expecting, Channel 7 News did a story on a Michigan family who had lost a family member during childbirth.  The baby, a beautiful little girl, had survived, but the beautiful young mother did not make it.  The father was left to raise his daughter alone. 

My husband and I reached out to this family and heartbreak-ingly enough the mother had indeed been diagnosed with suffering a Amniotic Fluid Embolism.  The story hit so close to home and my husband and I sat there in tears hugging one another knowing that very well could have been us. 

Life is so incredibly short.  And, none of us are given a guarantee on tomorrow.  Life definitely can be very challenging but what my husband and I have learned along the way is that it is much easier to handle life's ups and downs together as a team. 

Everyday I look at my husband and I thank the lord that he has blessed me with such a kind, patience, understanding, loving man.  The strength my husband has shown me is just beyond words. 

I have said it once and I will say it again.  Life can tangle us up into its webs so quickly!  We all become so involved in the things that really don't matter all that much.  A very wise friend of mine gave me some great advice once.  She said "If there are no dishes in the sink, that means there is no food to dirty them with. If there are no dirty clothes to wash, there are no clothes to put on your back." 

Well think about this.  We all work and work and work, but if you don't take the time and effort and put it into the PEOPLE that we all love doesn't that defeat the purpose of all this work.  Who do you get to enjoy it with?  Marriage to me is like a pair of gorgeous shoes!  At times those shoes may hurt your back or blister your feet, but those very same shoes will be the ones that you feel your absolute best in, that you can't live without.  Life was not intended to be easy.  The challenges that we each face are simply made to make us into stronger better people. 

I shared with each of you this portion of my life because I don't ever want to paint a picture of my "Journey to Motherhood" being all buttercups and daisies.  We have had our fair share of ups and downs.  But I firmly believe that love conquers all!  And sometimes you just have to "KEEP SWIMMING!!" 

I had said in my very first blog that I wanted everyone to be able to see what my "Journey to Motherhood" has been like and for each of you to be able to follow along for these next couple months before Miss Harper arrives.   When difficulties in our lives present themselves, it is incredibly easy to sit and just take our anger out on others.  (This is usually the person we love the very most.)  The stresses that parenting/trying to become a parent can be very tough!  But like I said earlier, everything is easier when you have your "teammate" by your side! 

For my husband Brian, you are my heart and soul!  Our love is unconditional! You have made our dreams a reality!