Are You Lonely Tonight?

In dealing with just about anything, I think back to my favorite saying, “We are only as sick as our secrets.” For me, speaking out about the truth has lifted away some of the shame associated with various issues that I’ve had.  As a matter of fact, I am all about full disclosure. It has saved my life and the lives of others.

When we admit to other people that we are lonely (or angry, depressed, exhausted,etc…) we find out we are never (ever) alone. In fact, you many find it fascinating that when you ‘expose yourself’ to others, they have had experiences that are equal to or worse than yours. 

You may feel lonely for several reasons. Perhaps you feel isolated or think you don’t have enough friends? Maybe you are a recent empty nester or newly divorced? But you should know, even in a room full of people, surrounded by friends you can feel lonely. Lonely is an inside job. We should recognize that there is a difference between lonely and alone. Now it’s time to do something about it. It is in your control to eliminate it.

Here are some positive ways to make that change:

1. Dare to speak up and tell someone who is compassionate that you are lonely. It can be a family, a friend or a co-worker. I’ve had strangers tell me they are lonely. People are generally kind hearted and will do their best to honor your feelings and help you to feel less lonely. It’s your choice to ask for help.
2. If you feel like your loneliness is debilitating, you should seek counseling. Sometimes people get stuck and a therapist or life coach will help you develop skills so that you feel more confident with other people and find strategies to help yourself.
3. You have to improve the relationship with yourself. When you are negative, it’s hard for others to be around you. I suggest that you adopt a positive attitude, even if you have to ‘fake it until you make it’. You may even want to envision a better day when you feel less lonely and visualize how you want your life to be. Your actions are the consequences of your thoughts. So think something good.
4. Join an online community to share the things that you enjoy with others. Finding other people with hobbies and common interests is an instant ‘in’.
5. How about Facebook?  I have made the most marvelous reconnections on Facebook. Even if you never talked to what’s her name since 1980, the sense of nostalgia for the old days can help you eliminate your loneliness. I am so close now with people who I never even spoke who in high school!
6. Schedule a get together with people you know. We spend so much time calling, emailing and texting that we forget how much fun a cup of coffee or lunch with a friend can be.
7. Get a pet. There is nothing better that an overly attentive cat or dog to make you feel at home or to snuggle at night. If you don’t know where to find a dog, come take one of mine home. I have three. Seriously.
8. Sign up for a class or head out to the gym, a book club, church or temple group. You don’t want to pressure yourself into meeting people. But I assure you, if you are friendly and ‘have two ears and one mouth’—meaning that you are a good listener… people will naturally attract to you. Remember, you have to BE a good friend to have a good friend. So cultivate the relationships with people you meet. It’s a process.
9. Volunteering is a good way to get rid of that loneliness and get out of your self-centered isolation. To eliminate loneliness, it feels good to be needed by others.

The single most important thing (which is part of everything I’ve listed above) is to interact with other people. Obviously, you can’t do everything that I’ve suggested all at once….but if you pick just one thing I’ve listed to connect with other people it WILL make a difference.

Martha Washington said, “I am determined to be happy and cheerful in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstances but by our disposition”. So this loneliness thing, it’s your choice.

Let me know what you’ve done to make that change.