Ask Honey: What if I'm a Doormat?

Dear Honey,

What can I do about a friend who takes and never returns?

Thanks, Michelle L.

Dear Michelle,

When you talk about a friend that takes and doesn’t return, I’m not sure if you are referring to things you loan her or just your overall good nature in doing nice things for her that she never reciprocates or appreciates? Either way, it’s unacceptable.

We spend so much time hoping that if we do the right thing, other people will do the same. While we are fortunate to have people who honor that and give back as much as they get, it’s really your responsibility to set boundaries for what response we will expect.

It’s really good that you are noticing it now and while you are ripe with resentment, it’s a perfect time to change it up.

Here are some relationship housekeeping tips:

• Get a bird’s eye view of the situation and figure out why you are choosing to stay in a friendship (or relationship) where you are giving too much? In many relationships, there is a giver and a taker. Yet, it shouldn’t be unbalanced and you shouldn’t feel like you are being taken advantage of.
• Talk about your feelings with the person and see if they are willing to work with you to make things more "even." If you come to the conclusion that they are just there to take your time, money or things- than maybe it works for them and not you?  It’s okay to lovingly walk away from a relationship that makes you feel disrespected.

Don’t be a victim. You don’t have to continue to be a doormat, it is your choice how you allow someone to treat you. Remember, you are just trying to be a good friend. If the person isn’t honoring you by being a good friend in return it’s okay toexpress yourself, see if you can make it work in a way that you both are comfortable with and if it can’t be adjusted, to gently walk away.