Is Online Dating Right For Your Senior Parent?

These days, parents don't think twice when their single adult children announce they've joined an online dating site with the goal of meeting someone special. In fact, most of us would congratulate ourselves for having raised such brilliant young people who are capable of leveraging technology to improve almost every aspect of their lives. But what if it's your senior parent who suddenly reveals during Sunday dinner that he or she wants to try online dating?

If you’re like a lot of people, your immediate response is to try to talk them out of it – a strategy that may be no more effective with your parent than it would be with your twenty-something children.  Assuming you have dealt with your own feelings about your parent’s desire to find someone to date (and, perhaps, something more), a better approach is to support their interest and ensure your own peace of mind by becoming actively engaged in helping them have a pleasant and safe online dating experience.

Here are some simple steps you can take to help your parent safely negotiate the world of online dating:

• Start with the basics:  Although more and more seniors are tech-savvy, a quick assessment of your parent’s computer skills and Internet IQ is in order.  Be prepared to start with the basics:  Searching to see what online dating sites are available and deciding which one best meets their needs, finding out how the site’s trial period works, and selecting a user name and password.  There are many so-called “targeted” online dating sites specifically designed to link-up singles by age, religion, cultural or ethnic background, or hobby or other leisure pursuit.  Sit down with your parent, be patient, and review the features of each site, discussing what they like, or dislike, about each.
• Online Dating 101:  Once you’ve selected a site, the next decision revolves around where your parent will use the computer; it can be at home or a public computer at their group residence, senior center or public library. Regardless of where your parent will be using a computer, be sure they understand how to protect their personal information.  This includes selecting a unique user name and secure password and creating a dating profile that is devoid of personal information, such as first and last name, date of birth, home and e-mail addresses and telephone numbers.  Remember that your parent’s user name should be something that is general and appropriate to their interests, hobbies, or favorite travel destinations, such as “Golf Man” or “Florida Gal.”  Once you’ve created a user name, you may need to help your parent construct a personal profile and select and upload a photograph.  Don’t rush this process; it may take several drafts to come up with a profile that is honest and will appeal to others.  Once a profile is posted, it won’t be long before your parent begins to receive a “wink,” chat request or email response, so you’ll want to make certain they understand how to respond – and how to judge which ones to ignore. You can review the messages together, but be ready to respect their privacy if that is uncomfortable for them.
• Safety first:  There’s no reason to be more apprehensive about your parent meeting someone online than face to face. However, you’ll want to educate your parent about the three cardinal rules of online dating:  (1) Never reveal personal or financial information or send money to someone they’ve never met in person;  (2) Watch for warning signs that someone isn’t legitimate, such as a phone number that no longer is in service or doesn’t accept voicemail, or an individual who wants to know all about your parent but doesn’t provide much information about themselves, or who seems to always be out of the country or otherwise unable to meet in-person; (3) Pick a public place for a first in-person meeting, such as a coffee shop or mall, and use their own transportation to get there and back.  Be sure they tell you or a close friend exactly where they are going, what time they will be back, and their date’s name and other relevant information. Help them understand how to listen to their gut-level feelings and report or come to you if they experience any inappropriate behaviors. 
• Coping with success – and rejection:  It may have been years since your parent has actively dated, so you may want to discuss their expectations and how they plan to handle both success and rejection. Be sure to remind them not to take rejection personally; there are plenty of fish in the online dating sea and there are lots of reasons why an online prospect may suddenly discontinue communication.  Also, stress to your parent to take their time. No need to rush; relationships take time to develop. It’s a good idea to gradually share information about themselves in both on-line chats and during the first several in-person meetings.

The bottom line:  Partnering with your senior parent to facilitate a safe and successful online dating experience can be a great way to grow your relationship – and support the natural desire for love and companionship that all of us experience, no matter what our age.

This article was originally posted on Senior Parents Place, Monday September 26.