After Losing Mitten War, Cheeseheads Lay Claim to Lake Michigan

A lighthearted petition asks Wisconsinites to insist that Lake Michigan be renamed “Lake Wisconsin” so that state can lay claim to beautiful sunsets. (Photo via Flickr)

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“Lake Wisconsin?”

No. Just no.

That’s a common response to the latest volley from Wisconsin, which fancied itself a mitten state several years ago, prompting Michigan to vigorously defend its title as the real Mitten State with an arsenal of “Don’t mess with the Mitten” gear.

Wearing blocks of cheese on their head must dull Wisconsinites’ thinking, because now some of them want to change Lake Michigan’s name to Lake Wisconsin, the Detroit Free press reports.

They’re not kidding, or at least the promoters of an online petition on visitlakewisconsin.com don’t say outright that they’re not kidding.

No, seriously, the petitioners base the attempt to steal Lake Michigan on something comedian Jim Gaffigan once said: “In Wisconsin they have deep-fried cheese curds, which taste like French fries and heaven had a baby.”

Cheese curds?

That’s the best you’ve got?

Not exactly.

They’ve also got an apparently incurable case of Michigan envy because – even after that ill-conceived attempt to pass themselves off as a mitten state just because Wisconsinites also use their palms like maps to show people where in the state they live – they’ve reasoned that Michigan has had bragging rights to stunning sunsets for long enough.

“... For too long Michiganders have gloated over Lake Michigan and their pretty sunsets,” the petition goes. “From now on, we will exclusively refer to it as Lake Wisconsin until every American joins us.

“To our west we have the Land of 10,000 Lakes. To our east the so-claimed Great Lakes State. And here we are, left in the middle with nothing but a bunch of farmland, cows, and cheeseheads. It’s time to make a change, this is Lake Wisconsin. …”

Nice try, Wisconsin.

“Michigan is an Indian word meaning great water,” someone commented. “The state was named for the lake not the other way around. You have your own great water called Lake Winnebago, named for a travel trailor (sic). Lake Michigan forever. And Superior, too!”

“Hey Cheeseheads!” one commenter said. “You’re lucky that we let you use Lake Michigan. Stop whining or we’ll make you bathe somewhere else.”

But some Wisconsinites seem to be clinging to old grudges, like losing the eastern part of the Upper Peninsula to Michigan, which didn’t want the land in the first place and only got stuck with it as a consolation prize in “the Toledo War” – a lucky break, it turned out, given the U.P.’s vast copper, iron ore and other mineral deposits.

“Michigan already has part of our state, so we get the lake!” one commenter said.

“They shouldn’t get the U.P. AND the lake,” said another.

“Go ahead and take Michigan’s Upper Peninsula,” someone else said. “All the copper is mined and Michigan residents don’t want it anymore.”

Others wanted to barter.

“We’d happily trade you the U.P. for the Dells and two cows. We’ll even throw in Detroit as a gesture of goodwill. Oh and, do you have any whine to go with that cheese?”

Someone else worried Illinois might come in as a spoiler: “If Illinois figures this out, we’re gonna be looking at Lake Illinois on our kids’ version of Google maps.”

By Sunday morning, 660 people had signed the petition.

• What do you think?