Another 4th-of-July-BOOM-BOOM-POW! Hangover

Another Independence Day has come and gone, but its quasi-patriotic detritus still lingers in the streets and lawns of Richfield. Remnants of the fireworks --dead sparklers, empty casings, acrid traces of smoke -- continue to assault our senses. The fluorescent pyrotechnics that etched chrysanthemums and spirals into the night sky have vanished. Now the party’s over, and only burnt traces of revelry remain. Is this really what our Founding Fathers had in mind for the celebration of our liberty?

I doubt it.

Please, Richfield residents, stop ignoring this problem. You know it exists. You know exactly what I’m talking about here. You know I’m talking about the blatant misuse of fireworks that occurs every July 4th in our Urban Hometown.

It’s going to continue, too, until some little kid gets his fingers blown off or some other innocent bystander gets permanently blinded.

But I’m going to go out on a limb now: I’m specifically blaming the males of the species for creating this widespread nuisance -- and chaos.

Because so many guys who are probably drunk and shamelessly stupid keep misusing and mishandling fireworks, I’m even going to classify this problem as “a guy thing.” Yeah, really. Anything that excessively loud and stinky and annoying HAS to  be masculine, anyway.

While I usually refrain from making broad, sweeping generalizations, especially if they seem sexist, I can’t help but generalize about this one. In my lifetime, I’ve only seen one female set off aerial fireworks. That was it, just one. She was a teenager who just lit the fuses but got in trouble with some nuns and never did anything like that again. Because such a small number of women and girls actually handle fireworks, though, I’m comfortable calling widespread pyrotechnic misuse “a guy thing.”

In fact, I was planning to use this blog to go after these guys for their flagrant lack of consideration, common sense, and rational judgement in handling fireworks. I was all set to get on my little soapbox and start slamming them. Just because something’s legal doesn’t mean you HAVE to use it 24/7 in the most careless, inconsiderate way possible. Come on, guys!

Legalizing fireworks doesn’t mean it’s legal to MISUSE fireworks. It’s still illegal to shoot off noisy, full-scale aerial fireworks after 1 AM before, during, and after Independence Day. It’s still illegal to set off the most ear-shattering BOOMS every day and night during the entire month of July.

Furthermore, legalizing fireworks doesn’t mean that you HAVE to fire off your pyrotechnic load in a residential neighborhood, right next to everyone else’s houses or garages or patios. Get real. Use a few brains once in a while...

Well, that’s what I was going to write. That’s what I was planning to write, anyway. Now I can’t.

I can’t use most of my first or second drafts because an important part of my argument had to do with the common sense usage of legal fireworks -- not illegal ones. My complaints involved the poor judgement and careless treatment of using legal pyrotechnics. That’s what I was really slamming these guys about: their immature behaviors, not their widespread criminal activities.

Imagine my shock when I discovered that these fireworks so inconsiderately used and abused in Richfield were, in fact, illegal. That’s right, ILLEGAL.

Research for this article led me online to a FIREWORKS FACT SHEET from The Minnesota State Department of Public Safety, State Fire Marshall Division. It stated, in part, “This fire safety sheet is based upon Minnesota Statute 624.20, which allows for the public sale, possession and use of a limited number of, but not all, consumer fireworks.”

(Note: You can obtain more info from the State Fire Marshall Division by phoning (651) 201-7200. You can also e-mail your questions to firecode@state.mn.us or visit their web page at www.fire.state.mn.us for latest information on fire in Minnesota.)

What caught my eye, though, was SECTION 2- SUMMARY OF CHANGES TO MINNESOTA FIREWORKS LAWS EFFECTIVE APRIL 30, 2002:

2.1 Legal and Illegal Fireworks within Minnesota
The sale, possession and use of some non-explosive and non-aerial consumer fireworks are now permitted in Minnesota effective April 30, 2002. Examples of items that are now permitted include sparklers, cones and tubes that emit sparks, novelty items like snakes, and party poppers. Please review the list of examples of legal and illegal fireworks.

These consumer fireworks may not be used on public property (i.e. parks, roads, alleys, schools, government property, etc.). Purchasers of these fireworks must be at least eighteen (18) years of age and retailers need to check photo identification. The sale, possession or use may occur throughout the year.

(So legal fireworks CAN be used on Halloween? Or, on any of the other 364 days of the year that aren’t July 4th?)

Explosive and aerial fireworks are still prohibited for public sale, possession and use in the State of Minnesota. Prohibited fireworks include, but are not limited to, firecrackers, bottle rockets, missiles, roman candles, mortars and shells.

So while I was writing and re-writing my op-ed about common sense interpretation of the law, I didn’t realize that so many guys around my neighborhood were literally breaking the law. Forget about any misinterpretation of the law. These guys were willingly engaging in an illegal activity -- and getting away with it.

So why are they still out running around, happily playing with these illegal fireworks? Why weren’t they apprehended or fined? Before the big public fireworks display on the Fourth, I saw the police at the corner of 12th and 66th Street, just a block or two over from where these illegal aerial fireworks were being set off. You could easily see them AND hear them. And yet, nothing was done about it.

Either there weren’t enough cops on duty to handle all the crowds at the big fireworks display on the night of July 4th... Or else, the cops just didn’t want to get involved with arresting kids or drunks who had possession of illegal fireworks.

Come to think of it, I don’t blame them. It’s “a guy thing.”