In Defense of Senator Al Franken

Suddenly and seemingly unexpectedly as Thanksgiving Day drew near, one woman with close ties to FOX NEWS accused Senator Al Franken of sexual misconduct. That’s all it took: one woman named Leeann Tweeden. Despite all the holes and discrepancies in her version of events, her accusations had legs. Tweeden’s allegations had staying power that was authentically devastating.

And America and bought what she was selling.

Almost immediately after she dropped her bombshell on November 16th, angry cries rang out for Franken’s resignation. Less than 48 hours after these accusations were made, it seemed his political career was over. Done. Finished. Kaput. Smelled like a setup to me, but I was the only one doing the sniffing.

Didn’t anyone else besides me think the timing of these allegations was more than coincidental?

Isn’t it unusual that an incident that happened over a decade ago resurfaced just AFTER Franken’s no-nonsense interrogation of Attorney General Jeff Sessions during televised Senate hearings?

And isn’t it downright partisan that this smear designed to end Franken’s political career arrived just BEFORE the Senate was scheduled to vote on Trump’s problematic tax reform bill?

Am I the only one trying to connect the dots here? Apparently so.

Sometimes news comes to light and information gets distorted, especially when the public reacts with prejudice and irrationality. It happens a lot these days. It certainly happened when the accusations against Franken became “news,” anyway.

Sometimes emotional reactions to news can create so much misinformation (and so many misinterpretations of it) that the actual information of the event gets lost. That happened in Franken’s case. Conspicuously missing in all the subsequent discussions about his behavior was the context in which he and others were functioning, then performing, in this 2006 USO Tour.

That is, the two important elements of this news story that keep getting omitted from almost every discussion — and analysis — about Franken need to be thoughtfully addressed. First, the kind of humor Franken delivered to the troops was what the majority of them wanted and appreciated. Second, it was Tweeden’s inexplicable refusal to communicate her reservations about Franken’s comedy skit that directly led to the misunderstandings about the kiss. Moreover, Tweeden’s conflict over expectations of herself as a USO Girl versus what she felt like doing at any given moment also contributed to the overall confusion.

I know, I know, you’re sick and tired of hearing about the sexual misconduct of all these male celebrities in the public eye. Take heart, dear readers, so am I. But did you notice that now we’re starting to put ALL the names of ALL the accused in some kind of Public Pervert Gallery? Now a mere accusation can stigmatize the innocent along with the guilty. Not fair. Not just.

To add to the mystery and confusion, vague terms are now inundating our collective consciousness. “Sexual misconduct” could mean your co-worker tried to have sex with a duck at work. Or it could mean his briefcase keeps rubbing against your butt in the elevator. “Creating a hostile work environment” could mean your boss celebrated your birthday by giving you a sex toy with explicit operating instructions. Or it could mean he keeps telling off-color jokes around the water cooler. There are different types of sexual misconduct, just as there are different levels and gradations of such behaviors.

That’s why every occurrence of inappropriate sexual behavior should be considered on an individual basis. Each case involves different parties; each case is different. Although there might be similarities in the activities or patterns of misconduct, there’s no “one-size-fits-all” when it comes to the accuser or the accused.

Unfortunately in Franken’s case, no thoughtful, rational examination of Tweeden’s allegations ever took place. Too much emphasis was favorably placed on his accuser — a former model for Fredrick’s of Hollywood who appeared on FOX shows like The Best Damn Sports Show Period (2001-2007) and later on Hannity (2011-2012). No doubt, she was also coached and directed by FOX associates before she made her big public debut as Franken’s victim. So much benefit of the doubt was given so freely to this tearful drama queen that no one ever questioned her accusations or motives.

Completely absent in any discussion was the inherent implausibility of Tweeden’s claims. So obsessed was the media, then the American public, with the salaciousness of her accusations that veracity and common sense fell by the wayside. Not fair. Not just.

As politically incorrect as this call to sanity might sound, I believe Franken’s case deserves another look. So let’s actually examine these charges against him in a deliberately careful and logical manner. Only let’s do it like Mr. Spock instead of Dr. McCoy.

Ms. Tweeden alleges that, during a USO Tour in 2006, Comedian Al Franken (who hadn’t been elected Senator yet) did 2 sexually inappropriate things:

1.) He groped her breasts while she was sleeping, and she has the photograph to “prove it” —although such contact was obviously impossible;

2.) Then while rehearsing a comedy skit, he gave her a deep French Kiss instead of the “stage kiss” she preferred — but she never indicated that to him beforehand.

Let’s begin with the “incriminating” photograph.

This photo touted as damning evidence of his dastardly deed doesn’t match the story Tweeden keeps giving. In the photo, his hands are hovering over a “sleeping” Tweeden and positioned as though he’s just about to touch — just touch — her chest. But he’s not touching or grabbing or even groping her breasts at all. The feat is literally impossible.

There’s no way Franken or anyone else could have done it. Why?

Because Tweeden is wearing a FLAK vest — a Kevlar vest, to be precise. That kind of protective body armor can stop and has stopped bullets from penetrating your insides. It’s like a 21st Century Chastity belt for your chest. There’s no way any intruder could have grabbed or touched any body part protected by Kevlar armor. Even if Franken had used a can opener it’s doubtful he would have had any entry.

Needless to say, Franken should have asked for Tweeden’s permission to stage, then photograph, such a scene. He didn’t. That was his big mistake. Shame on him. And yet, if we’re going to throw Franken under the bus, we’d better make room for everyone else involved. The photographs, printers, distributors, the US Military and USO itself should also share in the blame.

As funny as this joke seemed to guys, somebody along the line should have realized the negative impact this picture would have on women.

How would women in the military — not to mention the mothers, daughters, wives, girlfriends of soldiers — feel about this visual image?

Of course, it’s understandable why many women might have found this “gag photo” offensive. The scene evokes the inherent helplessness of a sleeping female as a predatory male appears ready to interact without her consent. But it is a staged photo. Take another look at it. NOTHING. IS. HAPPENING. Franken is making no bodily contact whatsoever with a sleeping Tweeden. He’s just posing for the camera. It only appears that something MIGHT happen…and that’s what made this scene so hilarious to so many troops stationed in Iraq and Afghanistan at the time.

For them, the absurdity of the scene was too funny for words.

Here they were, soldiers fighting overseas in a war that could snuff out their lives at any minute…And yet, they’re still thinking about making it with women, even if the women are wearing protective body armor? Oh, the irony! Oh, the silliness!

What seems appalling to us civilians sitting comfortably within the safety of our own homes is unbelievably funny to guys at war who might not live to see tomorrow. Why? Because when your mortality is on the line, the first thing to fly out the window is political correctness. These guys just want to laugh and let off steam and have a little raunchy fun. That’s what Franken tried to provide. And if hot babes with killer bods are along for the comedy ride on the USO Tour, all the better.

That’s why the comedy preformed is basically a variation of old burlesque gags and sketches. Ah, the old comic soybeans about the beautiful buxom girl who arrives at the freelance gynecologist’s office for her free breast examination. Or the beautiful buxom girl who arrives at the detective agency because “some men are following me,” then wiggles across the stage. BADA BING, BADA BOOM, BA DA BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Low-brow comedy? Yep. Real raunchy? Right. In poor taste? Yah, ya betcha! But for most of these soldiers stationed overseas, this kind of sexy-horny-corny comedy is hilarious. They like it. They want to see it, especially if a beautiful girl is onstage. Any civilian who doesn’t understand that has never heard of the blue flame. Or played the FUBAR MILITARY CARD GAME and gotten the “Military Monday at Hooters” card.

Speaking of Hooters, did you know that the lovely Leeann Tweeden was once a waitress and promotional model for Hooters AND was named in 2008 as one of “THE TOP HOOTERS GIRLS OF ALL TIME?” Probably not because nowadays the accuser is beyond reproach. In other words, no one can dare say anything bad or critical about her — despite the fact that she’s saying all kinds of bad, critical — perhaps even UNTRUE — things about Al Franken. And yet, shouldn’t someone with a history of objectifying herself and exploiting her body the way Tweeden has done need to specifically set clear-cut boundaries if she is performing so closely with men on a USO Tour?

Shouldn’t she have been more conscientious about drawing the line in the sand right away, especially considering her involvement with the soft porn industry?

No, I’m not embellishing this information about her for dramatic effect. Tweeden has “modeled” in men’s magazines like FHM and Playboy. In 1996, she appeared (with clothes still on) in a pictorial for Playboy. In 2011, she appeared again, but in a nude pictorial. Online, she’s posed in racy photos, wearing skimpy bathing suits and lingerie. And, if you’re willing to pay the price, you can subscribe to playboy.com and see her naked. That’s why she got to go on the USO Tour: she’s drop dead gorgeous.

Tweeden was specifically chosen to be eye candy for the troops. She couldn’t sing or dance or act, but she didn’t need those talents. All she had to do was stand there and look like a fantasy come to life…and autograph her sexy pinup photos. Talk about a morale booster! But Tweeden also wanted to act as emcee and good sport for the USO show. She wanted to endear herself to the guys. So Tweeden was more than willing to grab the butt of another guy singing onstage and grind her butt on his while he was performing. (Don’t take my word for it. Go online and see it for yourself.) That’s our Leeann: good sport and willing participant for upcoming hi-jinks and fun. When you’re engaging in these shenanigans, though, most guys WILL THINK you’re going to be okay with getting a big sloppy kiss during a theatrical performance.

Remember that iconic photo of a sailor grabbing a nurse and smooching her — the one that was taken when World War II ended? Okay, I guess nowadays that friskiness could be classified as “sexual misconduct,” too. Anyway, the writers and comedians on these USO Tours like to end sketches with a big kiss like that — same big dip, same big smacker, That’s what Franken wanted wanted to do, too.

He wanted to feature a big iconic kissing scene in his comedy skit. He wanted Tweeden to be in it too. After all, Robin Williams and other comics did a similar kissing scene with women on tour. (There’s even a photo online of Williams kissing a woman who looks exactly like Tweeden.) So Franken gave her the script and expected to rehearse with her.

But Tweeden didn’t like the script, didn’t want to perform the comedy sketch with Franken, and didn’t want to rehearse. She also didn’t want to communicate her misgivings to Franken. In her televised interviews, Tweeden admitted how she avoided him: she refused to rehearse but wouldn’t explain why. How simple it would have been for her to inform Franken that she didn’t want to participate in the sketch. Or to share her reservations about the script with him. As in, “Our kiss shouldn’t last longer than 10 seconds, and NO TONGUE! If you don’t like my conditions, find yourself another kisser.”

That’s what you have to do if you’re a beautiful model/pinup girl and will be in close contact with any guy onstage in any theatrical production. If you don’t, misunderstandings and upsets will inevitably ensue.

But Tweeden didn’t directly verbalize her all-important boundaries. By her own admission, she avoided Franken. Then finally, after claiming that Franken was “harassing” her to rehearse, she rehearsed with him. But she still didn’t directly communicate her concerns about the kiss to Franken. Then when he laid a big, smacker on her (that the script required), she became a tearful victim. “I walked away. All I could think about was getting to a bathroom as fast as possible to rinse the taste of him out of my mouth. I felt disgusted and violated,” she recalled in an interview.

But what is more “disgusting:”
a sloppy kiss from Al Franken? or
charging computer users — who will probably get viscidly hot and bothered — money to see your naked photos?

What seems more of a “violation:”
a sloppy kiss from Al Franken? or
watching Leeann Tweeden play grab-ass and grind-butt with some guy onstage who’s trying to sing and play his guitar?

What’s more “offensive:”
a “forcible kiss” from Al Franken that’s scripted in a comedy skit? or
a blatant double standard that protects a woman with boundary issues who’s willing to take down a Democratic statesman because he’s on the enemies list of her former FOX employers?

Personally, I don’t care what Leeann Tweeden does with her life or how she chooses to behave. Be eye candy for the troops. Be part of the T&A brigade to boost morale. Her life, her body — her choices. But if she decides to objectify herself by assuming such provocative (and naked) postures, she’d also better start improving her poor communication skills. AND SHE’D BETTER STOP HIDING BEHIND THIS UNFAIR DOUBLE STANDARD.