"Garage Logic" vs The Reality of Racism

Ever come across something written in an old newspaper that actually shows why so many people have stopped reading newspapers?

I did. Then I immediately wished we could have traded in our recycling bin for a parakeet cage.

Ironically, the columnist in question has been trying so hard for so many years to boost readership with his contrived vox populi angle that reading his column made me sad — as well as angry.

Why, he even came up with his own brand of folksy, commonsensical wisdom and dubbed it “garage logic.” So he did give it the old College-of-St.-Thomas try. Too bad the stuff this journalist-in-residence keeps churning out isn’t folksy or wise or sensible. Maybe all those fumes in his garage finally got to him and his logic. Case in point: “Obamas choose to perpetuate racism where there is none.”

Once again, another old white guy is insisting that racism experienced firsthand by black people does not constitute racism. But then, his disbelief quickly turns into scathing criticism of the President and Mrs. Obama! He dismisses the recollections they shared with “People” magazine as “nonsense.” Then he expresses “disappointment” with the President because he figured “that his presence in the White House would take us to the next level of shared experiences, where imagined slights were just that, imagined and of no consequence.”

What Mr. Garage Logic failed to understand was that President Obama and The First Lady were being extremely diplomatic and conscientious because “People” is still considered a “family magazine.” They didn’t talk about the really BAD racism they’ve had to contend with because it was too egregiously objectionable for publication.

I am referring, of course, to that pervasive racist tactic of comparing black people to monkeys, apes, chimps, and other primates.

I know all about that. I’m not black, but I know. For the past two or three years, I’ve been getting racist e-mails like that on a regular basis.

Thank God, they finally stopped. BFF and I never wanted them, never appreciated them, but were always flabbergasted by them.

Here’s an example so you can better understand what I mean. Because I’m not a seasoned hacker, I wasn’t able to determine who was behind this PREJUDICE.ORG site. But the use of the word pub — instead of bar or neighborhood tavern or local watering hole — makes me suspect we weren’t dealing with an All-American think tank.

I was at the pub yesterday, and I ran into Tarzan. I asked him how it was going, and if he was making any more movies.

He told me, “Me no longer make movies, me have severe arthritis. Both shoulders bad and not swing from vine to tree no more.”

I asked about Boy, and he told me, “Boy gone big city. Get with bad women, on drugs and alcoholic. And only time hear from him when in trouble or need something.”

I asked how Jane was doing. He told me, “Jane in bad shape, in nursing home, has bad Alzheimer’s and not recognize anyone.”

How sad!

I asked about Cheeta. He beamed and said, “Cheeta do good. She marry lawyer, had plastic surgery, now live in White House!!!”

There, on the next page, were photos of a chimp and Mrs. Obama both pursing their lips. At the bottom was a smaller photo of a chimp covering his eyes (in embarrassment?) and shaking up and down to suggest uncontrollable laughter. The caption beneath it read:

“I know, something bad is going to happen to me for sending this to you, but I couldn’t resist!!!”

Of course, as soon as this crap started showing up on our computer, we immediately deleted it. But there was no way to effectively stop it from coming. Why?

Because the old white people who kept sending it didn’t realize the crap they were polluting the Internet with was that toxic. They actually thought these e-mails were…funny. (?!) They refused to believe what they were sending out was blatantly racist.

And that’s the real problem: too many white people just don’t get it because they don’t want to get it. For these clueless wonders, Black History Month means nothing more than George Washington Carver and his amazing peanut. And Martin Luther King Day is just another banker’s holiday. So until they realize they’ve created this problem, racism will endure.